tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-112188242011-11-28T00:57:35.980-06:00Living in my head would kill most people in 10 minutes.The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.comBlogger221100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-15934300958677970952010-10-08T07:02:00.001-05:002010-10-31T10:45:34.923-05:00<span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>The <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Positive</span> Side of Pain<br /></strong><br />Have you ever <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">accidentally</span> smashed your finger with a hammer or slammed it in a car door? I think most people have.<br /><br />I remember years ago when I was 11-years-old, I was in the backyard of a neighbor's house and observing his old pickup truck. It was one of those old trucks that had an unusual hood. It was hinged down the middle and you could only open one side at a time. If one side was already open and you tried to open the opposite side, the open side would slam shut. How do I know this? Well, I learned the hard way.<br /><br />As I was looking at the old truck, I had my hands on the frame while peering into the engine compartment. Suddenly one of my friends decided to open the other side. Upon doing so, the hood on my side slammed down and caught one of my fingers. In that brief second one of my life's lesson was over.<br /><br />I'm writing about it today because I'm constantly <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">reminded</span> of that day. You see, ever since then I've had a fingernail, that if allowed to grow out, splits and snags on my jeans <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">every time</span> I put my hands in my pocket. There's a very small, almost invisible line down the middle of the nail which represents a dead nerve. If I don't keep it clipped short, I eventually am reminded of that painful day.<br /><br />Most of us have some scar or injury that reminds us of a life's lesson. My son has a scar on top of his left hand when at the age of 3 he decided to test the temperature of a curling iron. My daughter has a scar up the back of her skull from brain surgery at the age of 7. (The good news is, they found her brain. The bad news is, it looks a lot like mine.)<br /><br />The question I have for you today is this. What do your scars remind you of and what benefit have they given you? Do you have scars that constantly cause emotional pain? Are you living with a constant reminder of a failure or a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">disappointment</span> in your life? How about what you see in the faces of those who've hurt you? Does their likeness keep reminding you of an unpleasant experience, betrayal, or mistrust? Are there people in your life that you'd consider to be a scar in the tapestry of your life's lessons? Is there a person who caused you emotional pain and thus to this day they're like the fingernail I have to keep dealing with?<br /><br />I don't think about my fingernail every day and my son or daughter don't think about their scars every day. But occasionally we do. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Occasionally</span> something reminds us of the pain. It's at that moment I'm given the opportunity to define for myself what that scar and that pain is all about in my day-to-day life. Is there a benefit to this scar or has it become a curse?<br /><br />Scars and painful experiences have two sides to them. On the positive side, they often teach us what not to do - ever again. On the negative side, they can also keep us from thriving or from trying again. Some of us have had <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">disappointing</span> marriages, careers or friendships that have been destroyed by the pain caused from a bad experience. We've decided to never remarry, not seek a promotion, or refuse to open ourselves up to a new friendship. For some of us, scars and pain have brought us to a standstill and we never open an engine compartment again. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The truth is, we learn best from pain because pain registers in our brain like no other experience. People learn more from mistakes than they do from successes. We seem to be wired for the impact that pain brings to our memory and change in behavior. If I tell an audience about the painful lessons I've gone through in life, I'm instantly connected to every person. We all have some kind of pain riding just under the surface of our smile. Nobody is exempt from mistakes, unfortunate circumstances and failures.<br /><br />However, on the flip side if I start to share my victories, my successes, my stories of hanging with millionaires and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">billionaires</span>, 50% of the audience shifts to half throttle, 30% glaze over, and the rest will start to completely shut me off because they can't relate at all. Some people enjoy hearing my stories about what few successes I've had while some don't. Even I don't always enjoy hearing myself tell the stories of an achievement. But if I tell you about my pain, you're right there with me. People don't want to hear how you made a million dollars as much as they want to know how you survived when you were flat broke. Why? Because we can all relate to the latter.<br /><br />The positive side of pain is that it connects all of us if we're willing to share our stories. It's what would cure the world of prejudices if people were not afraid of telling their stories and opening themselves to experience and shared empathy. I can instantly empathize with your pain but I may have a difficult time feeling good about your success. That being said, it's amazing how many of us spend our introductory minutes when meeting someone new by telling others of our job title, our recent vacation to Hawaii or the gated community we live in with luxury cars and swimming pools. We seem to feel better by assuming others will accept us based on successes, victories or club memberships.<br /><br />What if you tried something different? What if you introduced <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">yourself</span> - as I usually do every time I begin a speech, with a list of struggles, failures and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">disappointments</span>? "Hello, I'm JL and besides loving the fact that I get to travel often and I'm paid for what they used to put me out in the hallway for, I have a Jeep with 160,000 miles on it, a dog with only three legs, and my hair is falling out." <br /><br />I now that may sound funny and part of it was meant to. I just wanted to make the point that I'm not about being a depressing person to listen to but rather I want to connect with you. I need to feel connected to you more than I need to feel applauded for my successes. I'd rather you know I'm not a perfect husband nor am I very well equipped to run my own business. I've got weaknesses like anybody else and I need others to help me from time to time.<br /><br />I can tell you jokes until your laughing produces tears but there are days when no amount of joking can turn my tears into laughter. I'd like to tell you I don't sleep very well at night and never have. I'm not the disciplined and regimented person who gets every job done that he starts. Like you, I need money to survive but it's never been a priority to be wealthy and thus I've missed many a great opportunity. I like to have good credit but it's pretty easy for my creative mind to forget when my payments are due. I guess I just want you to know that I'm as human and vulnerable as you are.<br /><br />Today I'm writing to tell you that last night I had to clip that same fingernail again. It's my ring finger on the hand. Yes, it's the one I've been clipping ever since I was 11-years-old. I'm never going to forget the old truck because this nail is never going to stop splitting up the middle and I'm always going to be careful when slamming hoods. I've never repeated that lesson because I learned it the first time. I don't like having one fingernail that causes me grief but, here's the good news. It's the nail that has been responsible for the other nine remaining injury free. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">That my friend is sometimes the positive side of pain, it can prevent us from experiencing more or more importantly, causing it for others. The next time you see someone or something that has become a scar in your life, take a minute to be thankful for all the pain you've missed out on because of what that lesson taught you. Think of all the people who don't have you to blame for their smashed finger because you know what it feels like. <br /><br />Today, do your best to forgive and move on. Don't stop using your hands just because someone unintentionally slammed a truck hood on your finger. Don't pass up a perfectly good person to marry just because your last marriage failed. Don't stop dreaming of a better future just because life hasn't worked out up to this point. Life must go on inspite of the potential for more pain. Use the good, let the bad go and remain postive.<br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-1593430095867797095?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-32500396746781723302009-02-17T18:00:00.001-06:002009-05-13T12:31:37.804-05:00<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_fY8Vk4Ml_2Q/SZ2REHRkftI/AAAAAAAAADs/OuJLEkPjJ-o/s1600-h/The-News-Reader.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5304555435970559698" style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; float: left; width: 229px; height: 261px;" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_fY8Vk4Ml_2Q/SZ2REHRkftI/AAAAAAAAADs/OuJLEkPjJ-o/s320/The-News-Reader.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" >Are you tired of hearing bad news and endless predictions of doom and gloom? I've been tired of it for years and lately, as you well know, it's gotten worse. I decided to let you in on some of my habits for keeping my wits about me and maintaining a good attitude in spite of the bad things life may bring. Here are five secrets to turning Bad News into Glad News.</span></strong></span><br /><br /><p><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >1. During Morning Drive-time, list at least 10 things you are Grateful for that day.</span></strong> </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">If the bad news in life begins to weigh you down, you will always tip the scales in your favor when you begin to count your blessings. The best thing about living in America is living with HOPE. Many nations offer minimal to no opportunity for their citizens to control their destiny and improve their lives. In fact, the majority of the world doesn't even come close to the blessings we Americans live with and we need to be thankful without being prideful. While Americans are suing their doctors, 2/3 of the world wishes they had one. While Americans throw tantrums because they have to wait in line at the grocery store, half of the world's population is going to bed hungry. "Enter each day with thanksgiving in your heart and walk into your workplace with joy. You'll be amazed how contagious your attitude will become!"</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">2. Surround yourself with Optimists and Laugh often!</span></strong> </span><br /></span><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br />The only time it's beneficial to hang around someone who is a wet blanket is when your hair is on fire. I'd rather stay away from naysayers. Most of us already know what's wrong with our day. What most people need is someone who sees the day in a brighter light. Once a week, make some popcorn and sit down to a funny movie. Read the news at <a href="http://www.fark.com/">http://www.fark.com/</a> - it cracks me up many times. You have to work at being optimistic and keeping your smile. Nobody is going to do that for you. "Optimistic people are mutually encouraged by each other's positive outlook. It's the principle of... "Iron sharpeneth iron."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">3. Turn Broadcast News OFF!</span></strong> </span><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I haven't watched the 6 O'clock news for over two years now and the only thing I miss are my anti-depressants. My motto is this...<span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:arial;" > </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:arial;" >"Read what you need!"</span> Visit Yahoo or Google News for 10 minutes each morning and ignore the blithering talking heads at night! Too much negative spin now days. The weatherman is seldom right and the talking heads offer more negative opinions than actual, factual news. Your thinker is controlled by what you feed it and whatever a person thinks in their heart, that will be what they become. I've decided to monitor what I allow in my head and as a result, I feel like I'm becoming a better person with a better life.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">4. Focus on Solutions - Not Problems!</span></strong> </span><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Too many people spend their day focused on what's wrong with the world or the business climate or their hair. Very little time seems to be focused on what's right or how to fix the problems. I live in the same country as you and hear about the same slow economy - but, my goal is to never finish a day where I haven't accomplished something that moves me forward in life. Everything from greasing a squeaky hinge in my apartment to e-mailing potential clients and encouraging them, to reading a good book - it all matters and it keeps me focused on my solutions not my problems. Because I focus on solutions, I've found many more people want to be my friend. It's amazing how hungry the world is for leaders and problem solvers. "The world is full of followers and I refuse to be one of them!" jlg </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">5. Give your way out of a down economy!</span></strong> </span><br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I read an article yesterday about a local hair salon owner here in Minneapolis that has decided 2009 will still be a year of business growth in spite of a "reported" slow economy. You'd think an upscale hair salon would feel the pinch with people looking for ways to save money. After a few adjustments to his pricing, products and services, the owner announced an increase in sales for January '09 over the same period last year. Why? Because he's giving his clients some cost breaks with redesigned prices and services, and he's being rewarded for it. You may think giving-to-get is ludicrous but it's actually a principle that rewards the giver every time. Learn to Give and it will be given back to you - many times over. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em><strong>Well, there ya go. Now go create some <span style="font-size:130%;">Glad News</span> my friend.</strong></em></span><br /><a target="_new" href="http://EzineArticles.com/"><br /><img src="http://EzineArticles.com/featured/images/ea_featured_1.gif" border="0" alt="As Featured On EzineArticles" /><br /></a><br /><span style=";font-family:trebuchet ms;font-size:85%;" >JLglass - <a href="http://www.jlglass.com">http://www.jlglass.com</a><br />The "JL" Zone<br />Phone: 612-437-8622<br />P.O. Box 32806<br />Mpls., MN 55432</span></p></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-3250039674678172330?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-63891878151615984152007-02-14T21:42:00.001-06:002009-05-21T13:33:39.494-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_fY8Vk4Ml_2Q/RdPXQwr-PkI/AAAAAAAAABc/hVuzyXkKyGg/s1600-h/Dad-%26-JL.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031601891650190914" style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_fY8Vk4Ml_2Q/RdPXQwr-PkI/AAAAAAAAABc/hVuzyXkKyGg/s320/Dad-%26-JL.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Too close to the tree.</span></span><br /><br /></span><p style="font-family: arial;"><strong>The tree you're standing under is me. The root you just tripped over? That was probably my dad. It's amazing how we become the very people we said we'd never be.</strong></p><p style="font-family: arial;">"Hey son! How is your day going?" My father has the ability to always sound as if he's just eaten a bottle of pep pills. It's a trait that has been passed down from former generations. "I'm doing fine," I replied. My parents and I talk nearly everyday and usually for good reason. They're either bewildered once again as to why the printer isn't working with their computer, or they're wondering why their computer isn't working with their printer. Either way, I've come to hate Bill Gates.</p><p style="font-family: arial;">Our conversation that day was just a "catch up" on what's going on in our lives. I inform dad of my latest bookings for my public speaking and dad reciprocates by giving me his calendar information. Dad does what I do but does it for churches. In other words, my father and I get paid for what they used to put us out in the hallway for - talking a lot.</p><p style="font-family: arial;">This particular morning our conversation didn't last long. Before hanging up, dad wanted to tell me he'd gotten a phone call from a certain person that was going to book him to do his finance seminar and then we said our goodbyes and hung up. Typical call. Typical day. So I thought.</p><p style="font-family: arial;">Near the end of that same day, I got a second phone call from my dad with mom listening in on their other phone. They often are both on the line when they call. Just before hanging up, dad starts to tell me again about this person that had called and wanted to book him for a seminar. Now, before you think my dad is losing his memory, let me enlighten you. He's never had one. Not really but, my dad has forever been a story repeater, joke repeater, and story repeater, and joke repeater. This was just another story I was either going to politely listen to, again, or jump in and interrupt the inevitable.</p><p style="font-family: arial;">I decided to respond with "You already told me this dad." Usually he says "oh" and we drop it. However, on this occasion he was certain he hadn't. I insisted he had and began to repeat the details of the name, place and circumstances he had shared earlier in the day. Hesitant to surrender, he finally did with "oh, I guess I must have already told you." I could hear mom laughing on the other phone and we all chuckled as our conversation came to an end.</p><p style="font-family: arial;">The next day my daughter, my wife and myself were sitting around our dinner table getting ready to eat. I started to engage them in conversation by telling about the phone call I had with my dad the day before. I laughed as I was going to great lengths to explain to my wife and teenage daughter how Grandpa Jack was so insistent that he hadn't repeated his story when in fact he had. While still in the middle of making fun of my dad, my daughter started to laugh and interrupted me with the following line. "Dad, you already told us about your conversation with Grandpa. You told us last night." - True Story!</p><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Moral of the Story</span></strong> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I can't remember the moral of the story. Ask my daughter.</span></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-6389187815161598415?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-82255756254192892382006-12-25T11:41:00.000-06:002007-01-16T09:27:56.818-06:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_fY8Vk4Ml_2Q/RavRdytB4NI/AAAAAAAAAA0/UkW2sJKNOEo/s1600-h/andy&i3SS.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5020336519391600850" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_fY8Vk4Ml_2Q/RavRdytB4NI/AAAAAAAAAA0/UkW2sJKNOEo/s320/andy%26i3SS.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Left: XY & Right: XX</span></span><br /></div><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><br /></span></span></span><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Rebellion or Independence </span></span></span></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Parents often determine the path.</span></span></span><br /></div><span style="font-family:arial;"><br />I remember when my son and daughter were around the age of 6 and 8. This was the age at which both kids were starting elementary school and getting a little more opinionated about what they wanted to wear and what they wanted to do with their spare time. They also were beginning to choose friends outside the circle that my wife and I had controlled up until then. There were days when parent versus child was heard and other times when compliance just happened. Regardless, I was aware that we were beginning a journey that every parent is called to maneuver through. It was time to begin the gradual process of teaching my children to be independent. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Today's posting is a result of a conversation I had awhile back with a very good friend of mine. It was during that conversation I was reminded of the struggle parents go through to find balance when faced with the question, "how do I decide when I should control my teenager versus when I offer freedom to my teenager?" For those of you who struggle with this question, I hope my story will give you some insight into your own journey as a parent. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">"You'll never have a curfew as long as you do two things." Those were the words I spoke to my children when they were in middle school. You may think that's pretty radical but let me explain. You see I told my children they were both born with all the trust in the world and it would be up to them how much of it they were willing to lose. It's my opinion that most parents start in reverse by telling their children they don't trust them and thus they must earn it. That's a pretty self-defeating way to start your child through the maze of adolescence not to mention teaching them that trust is something you earn rather than just is. The truth is, until you make mistakes based on someone else's expectations, you are a trustworthy person. It's only after you fail to live up to some preconceived notion that you find yourself trying to "earn" back trust. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">What did my children have to do to keep from losing their bank balance of trust? What were the two things my children had to do in order to maintain a life without a parent-imposed curfew? They simply had to always call me and give me the details to where they were and who they were with. Secondly, if I didn't approve, they came home without much of an argument. Notice I said "without much." I'm not a dictator so I wanted my kids to offer up some measure of arguing if they felt they had a legitimate reason to do so. Again, I'm trying to allow them to grow up and arguing is evidence that "reasoning" is kicking in. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">From the time my children were in middle school up until this day, they have been excellent at maintaining the responsibility of the two rules. To keep the rule easy and without any excuses, they were both given cell phones in the 7th grade. Although Andy is a couple thousand miles away and this year will graduate college, he still thinks to alert us if he plans on spending a weekend away from the college campus or has agreed to another blind date. I just wish he'd stop dating these blind girls. It seems like such a waste of his time since he's such a good looking kid, like his dad.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">So, this is just one of many things I did in preparing my kids for independence. The lesson was to teach them that life is always going to have someone who cares about where they are and secondly that even with freedom comes learning to answer to authority. I seldom told them to come home from something I didn't approve of because they seldom did anything I didn't like. I think they knew that regardless of where they were going, they were going to have to report in and then the question for them would be, "is this something I want to tell my parents?" Of course it helped that my children grew up with a great church youth group and most of their extra-curricular activities included healthy moral standards.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">From early on I worked hard to ensure that my children had their four basic emotional needs met. It was around these principles that I made most of my decisions. I use these needs to explain a lot about how life works when I speak to audiences. To grow up balanced and emotionally healthy, my kids <strong>needed</strong> to...</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>A</strong>. Know and feel love. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>B.</strong> Know and feel secure. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>C.</strong> Know and feel power to control their destiny and to protect themselves.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>D.</strong> Know and feel like they belong. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">When you approach child rearing from the standpoint of those four needs, here's an example of what may happen. First, you'll think twice about going to divorce lawyers versus marriage counselors to solve marital problems. If I get a divorce my children will grow up with a certain degree of damage to their sense of security and their power to control their destiny. Two very important emotional issues. Children often feel responsible for their parent's divorce and feel powerless to rescue themselves. This creates many problems when it comes time for them to get married. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Also, if I tell my kids they're going to wear school clothes based on what I as a parent approve of versus what's culturally popular, (of course this is within reason) I am greatly hindering their sense of belonging and ability to feel loved and secure by classmates. I know - I know, you argue that you want your kids to be individuals and not feel forced to conform to everybody else. However, I submit to you the very fact that your choosing their clothes, jewelry, hair cuts, etc., is contradictory to your desire. They're no more an individual if you impose your tastes on them than if cultural norms do. I'm not saying kids should be allowed to created havoc or put 25 piercings on their face, unless of course it's to pierce their mouth shut.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">For the sake of my children's self esteem I sacrificed buying my own groovy clothes for what I had to shell out for Andy's expensive tennis shoes. Why? Because tennis shoes made the man. It was well worth it. Many times we as parents don't stop to think like children to teens when we make some of the decisions we make for them. Although some of us want to fight social norms because of the damage they may have done to our childhood, we forget there can be more damage done if we don't at minimum compromise a little. We've forgotten what it was like to be swimming in a classroom of 40 kids and searching for that life raft that says, "I belong." It's no wonder so many children end up rebelling against us rather than seeing us as helpful during their search for their identity and independence.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">In a nutshell, your children spend about 5000 days from the onslaught of adolescence to the day they reach adulthood which is considered to be in their early twenties. During that time period they have one continuous struggle. They will be testing boundaries, expanding their cognitive abilities for reason and practice what it feels like to make a right decision and what it takes to recover from a bad one. They'll also be learning what parenting looks like, what successful marriages look like, what role religion may have in their lives and so on. Without the ability to do this, they will not actually grow up. If parents are overly protective or control freaks, teens will turn the search for independence to one of survival and usually rebellion. They will simulate your wishes in your presence until the day comes when they leave home. Then, watch out. Rebellion amongst teenagers is nothing more than an effort to get away from the sense of powerlessness they feel when mom and dad relentlessly dictate their behavior. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">A teenager that has a parent who makes all their decisions for them is an emotionally abused teenager. If your rules are over-reaching to include all clothes, jewelry, hair, shoes, or any number of what I consider to be petty issues, your kids will have no room for developing their identity and are actually being forced to become you. After all, if your teens can only wear what you approve of, you are essentially dressing yourself twice every day and part of developing independence is to distance ones self from their parents.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I remember the time my son wanted to pierce an ear. My first reaction was to fight it. I didn't want want his grandparents to have heart attacks or for my wife to have to compete for the jewelry allowance. However, in my heart I knew my son was a good kid and that having an earring wasn't going to change that. Just because my generation thought it to be a radical departure from the norm didn't mean his generation was inherently evil. Every generation of adolescents have found their unique identity through their hair, music, clothes and jewelry. Within six months the ear showed no sign of a search for identity other than it was still somewhat deaf to me telling him to take out the garbage.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Kids experiment with their identity until they feel their needs are being met. If sense of belonging required long hair for you, then you had long hair. Although physically your abuse may show no bruises, emotionally your teen will experience a sense of victimization if you are a dictator rather than counselor or guide as they search to find themselves. The number one common emotion that all victims have is a sense of powerlessness. If you insist your teenager remain powerless to learn, develop reasoning, make mistakes, and find their own identity, you my friend are abusing the normal process God created for learning to become independent. By the way mom and dad, you're not God, just in case some of you need to be reminded. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I realize many of us have grown up with the fear that our children will repeat the same mistakes we did or end up with the same pain or disappointments. Here's how you get past that. Forget it! Your kids are not you but if you continue to be their dictator, they're going to rebel and then guess what? Nine times out of ten, they'll become the very thing you were trying to avoid. If not during the teen years, they'll flip out after they leave home and are no longer under your victimization. That's the explanation for why many freshman go crazy pushing boundaries after they leave home for college. They've never had freedom and now that they're on their own, their underdeveloped reasoning skills don't filter out bad from good decisions, and they screw up. In many cases, it's not their fault. It's the fault of control freak parenting. My son has witnessed this time and again at the university he attends. All over the country, the freshman class is the thermometer for whether or not parents are doing their job in preparing kids for independence.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Another phase that repeated itself about every six months was the boundary pushing. I quickly came to expect it on a yearly basis. No matter what the age, from newborn to early adulthood, I've found my kids repeatedly push the next set of boundaries. As soon as we establish each new boundary, they're back to feeling secure, loved, and in power to control their destiny. Keep in mind, boundaries should change to allow growth. When the boundary went from choosing their clothes to choosing their friends, we worked together to figure out what was needed. Inch by inch, parents must remain diligently aware of each developmental stage of their child's life.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Parents that don't believe in discipline, consequences, or rules, are not meeting their child's need for security and knowing they are loved. If you're the hippie type, or free spirit that can't say no and lets your child do anything they want, you're teaching them that life has no rules, love has no rules, relationships have no rules, and so on. All of which is not true. Just ask a spouse who has been cheated on.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">My approach to teaching my kids about rules was for me to start their life with my rules and then eventually to give them a tool for finding their own but with a proven principle. For me it came from my own Christian upbringing. I often would tell my kids that if they obey the first and greatest commandment found in Mathew 22:37, they'll always live by the right rules. It was the answer Jesus gave the Pharisees and Saducees when they tried to turn him into a dictator. Jesus knew the way to help these guys learn how to discern good laws and rules from bad ones was to teach a principle. If everything my children questioned concerning acceptable behavior was filtered through whether or not they could love God with all their heart, soul, and mind, then they'd always do the right thing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">In a nutshell, let go of your own childhood mistakes and stop thinking you're going to save your children from pain. A big part of learning independence is learning how to deal with pain and disappointment.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><div align="center"><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>Helping your teens through adolescence is not about you looking good as a parent. It's about your child eventually looking good as an adult. For that to happen, you've got to hone up on your child psychology so you can recognize whether or not you're going to turn their normal search for independence into rebellion.</strong></span></div><div align="center"><br /><strong>Today's advice from JL? (for what it's worth)</strong></div><p><br /></p><ul><li>Parents are not friends to their children - they are counselors and guides. You can be their friend when they leave home.<br /></li><li>Don't forget the best university for love and affection comes from watching mom and dad. You are their best instructors by your example. I rarely failed to say "I love you" and gave hugs to my kids and wife every day over the last 27 years. I still do it.<br /></li><li>Children are not capable of making all of their own decisions without us teaching the skills to do so. Emphasis on teaching the skills rather than always making decisions for them.<br /></li><li>Filter your child rearing decisions through the maze of their four basic emotional needs.<br /></li><li>Don't act like you've never made a mistake. Tell them you're sorry after you've taken your turn at making a mistake. We all make them and kids should see what humility and resilience looks like.<br /></li><li>From time to time, ask your teens how you're doing as a parent and if they've got suggestions that might help you. This will show them what a teachable spirit looks like and that will help them in the future.<br /></li><li>Stop fighting in public with your spouse on issues you disagree on. It screws up your child's ability to learn what unity looks like and can make them feel insecure about whether or not mom and dad will be together tomorrow. Both parents need to be on the same page. Get your %$# together before you confront your adolescent about anything.<br /></li><li>Concerning rules, make sure they are clearly spelled out beforehand. Nothing is more stupid than the parent who loses their temper and shouts, "you should have known better." Hmmmm.....so should the parent.<br /></li><li>Also along with rules comes a list of consequences. Don't have consequences all over the field. Be clear and make sure they're consistent. Consequences communicate security, love, belonging. If I didn't love you, want you to feel secure in this home, or want you to know you belong in this family, I wouldn't go to all the trouble to enforce consequences.<br /></li><li>Spouses, never disagree with each other on issues of discipline or rules when your children are standing in front of you. Back each other up until you can get in private to argue whether or not something different should happen.<br /></li><li>Include using principles to teach reasoning for rules instead of just writing down a bunch of rules. You need both, but have a balance.<br /></li><li>Let kids make $5 mistakes with their spending money or they'll make $50,000 mistakes after they leave home. (right dad?)<br /></li><li>Let children in on the family budget. It'll do two things. They'll learn to appreciate what it cost to survive and also it will hold you more accountable for your financial decisions and spending habits as a family.<br /></li><li>Just for good measure - All moms should slap dad and tell him to get off his butt and take the kids to a park or attend their next sporting event. Afterwards he should treat the whole team to DQ. In other words, I've got a real problem with dad not helping raise kids or only showing up when discipline is due.<br /></li><li>Buy books on the subject - developmental psychology of adolescence.<br /></li><li>Network and learn from other parents that seem to be doing a good job.<br /></li><li>Don't forget each of your children are unique in their personality. I didn't discipline both of my children the same. One was more compliant than the other. Yes, it was my daughter that had to be duct taped to her dad or she'd otherwise never give him a hug.<br /></li><li>And last but not least, I don't have all day to make this list so I'm going to wait for questions or comments to stir up more if it is needed.</span></li></ul><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" face="arial"></div><br />JL<div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-8225575625419289238?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1163684379718993542006-11-16T07:18:00.000-06:002006-11-16T08:51:04.276-06:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/Jackie-Blog.0.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/320/Jackie-Blog.0.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">My morning coffee is hitting the spot. I take another sip and try to relax as I'm already dressed and waiting for the events of my day to unfold. I'm sitting near the glass doors that open up to the deck and positioned in the perfect spot to watch the confusion of kids running through the living room, adults telling them to stop, and the laughter that's heard after another sarcastic comment flies through the air toward someone that wasn't expecting it. There are people scurrying all over this house and jockeying for position in front of every available mirror. When a bathroom door opens, steam escapes into the hallway with another shower completed and the next person dashes in to get their dosage of Irish Spring. Man this is fun. Rarely am I sitting on the sidelines watching the crowd go by. Usually I am the crowd and demanding that everybody watches me.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Where am I? I'm in the living room of my parent's Ozark mountain home. Since the mid 1970's we've made an annual trek to the Ozarks to vacation as a family and dream about the day my dad would build his retirement home there. At the time of this story, it's about 20 years later and we're now sitting in mom and dad's newly built home wondering why there's only enough bedrooms for them and two other guests. We're trying to figure out how to seat twenty-three people so we can eat together. Those of us not staying at hotels or nearby rented homes are taking turns using the showers. And, we're telling my dad to stop stoking his fireplace so we can all put our clothes back on. Every winter our family visit includes my dad keeping the fireplace going to the point where you'd think he was trying to sweat demons out of us. It hasn't worked. Most of us, at least the brothers and brothers-in-law, are still possessed.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">It's Christmas time and all of my siblings and their children are getting ready this particular morning as we are scheduled for another one of our famous family portraits. Mom always manages to find a naive photographer that's available the day after Christmas or Thanksgiving. Not every year, but enough years to keep producing relatively current proof that we're all getting older. We dress up, load up, and the caravan of Glasses and their spouses head to the spot designated for capturing another photographic record of just what happens when people don't use birth control.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">As I sit near the patio door, one of my nieces has been asked to sit on the couch across the room from me. Actually, like a puppy in training, she's been threatened to sit and stay. She's as cute as a bugs ear, which is one of my favorite sayings when describing what cute looks like. To tell you the truth, bugs and bugs ears aren't that cute but I won't tell if you don't.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">There she sits all prettied up. She and I are the only two now that are ready to go while we wait for the others. Jackie's wearing a pretty dress that her mom put on her and I'm wearing the first $500 suite I've ever purchased along with an $80 silk tie. I don't know what got into me when I bought them but regardless, I was dressed to the nines and feeling pretty good about myself.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I'm still sipping my coffee, watching family members lose their minds, glancing down at a magazine, and every once and awhile launching another sarcastic remark just to make sure I'm not getting behind in the point system for the game of <span style="font-style: italic;">Glass Family Sarcasms</span>. Suddenly, out of the chaos I hear my little niece, who's probably 3-years-old at the time, blurt out something that made me smile and nearly made me cry. After sitting and staying put for a few minutes, she throws both hands up in the air and with a big smile says, </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><div align="center"><br /><strong><em>"I can't believe it. Isn't it great! Everybody loves me."</em></strong> </div><br />I was one of the few to hear those words since Jackie and I were the only two stationary. Everybody else was in motion and making their own noises. This little three-year-old just spontaneously erupted with a very profound statement.<br /><br />I don't remember what sparked her into action after that, but I remember the outcome. Before I knew it, the little girl who is so grateful that everybody loves her had scampered off the couch and straight for uncle JL. In those brief seconds I'm thinking, "Slow down little one, I've still got this hot cup of....yikes!" Too late. I now have a little niece on my lap, a lot of coffee on my $80 silk tie and a brown wet spot on my new dress shirt. Being that I'd been ready long before everybody else, I now thought I might be the last one to be ready and maybe only dressed to the sevens or eights.<br /><br />I'm usually the uncle that loves the kids. I love to tease, entertain, tell jokes, and program them to say things their parents don't want them to repeat. However, sometimes I don't like kids. I can easily get overloaded from too much noise or chaos and I'm often found trying to flee and get away from the little one that won't stop crying, screaming or worse yet, whining. I don't know why my brother or two sisters don't beat their children more but if they were my kids....... LoL<br /><br />So there we are. Smiling up at me is Jackie. In my right hand is a half emptied cup of coffee. On my tie and shirt is liquid evidence that a toddler has bypassed the words "be careful." Now I've got a decision to make. Do I get upset because this little "bugs ear" has turned me into a canvas of original artwork? Do I call her mother into the room and tell her to do a better job at raising anti-spill children? Or, do I simply understand that a 3-year-old has just done an age-appropriate thing. What do three-year-old kids do when they see someone that loves them? They see somebody that loves them and they run full speed to get a little more of it.<br /><br />Now before you think there's nothing unique about Jackie's comment or her actions and before you think they're not really words or actions to smile or cry about, let me tell you the whole story.<br /><br />For over 15 years my sister and her husband opened their home and marriage to parent foster kids. They were all seen as children in transition for the most part. But, the day came when someone in a Dallas, Texas apartment building heard the cry of a baby that nobody seemed to be responding to. Thanks to a snoopy neighbor, a baby girl, only a few days old, was rescued after being left by her mother, unattended. Nearly starved to death, this precious package was immediately hospitalized. Children's Services got a call and within days this little baby was in the care of two loving parents. Although it wasn't her parents, that didn't matter. It is a "nurturing love" that truly defines parenting. My sister and her husband were now the caregivers of an angel in transition, or so they thought.<br /><br />Unlike many foster kids, this little one was eventually placed in the permanent custody of the state and parental rights were given up by her mother. This opened a door for my sister and her husband to consider adopting this child and to give her their name, their home, and a bright future. From the initial moment Jackie came to live with them up until a month ago when I saw her at her big brother's wedding, she has been loved by our entire family. The love has never stopped. She's growing up now and faster than we'd like.<br /><br />Several friends of mine are adopted but it's not something most of us spend time discussing. It's a great thing to find a family when you would otherwise not have one. The draw back is, you may struggle with your sense of belonging and feelings of abandonment. The truth is, most mothers are not bad mothers. Most who allow their children to be adopted by another family are doing so because they are either ill equipped at parenting or they have their own demons that chase them. This particular mom had her own struggles to overcome before she could properly nurture anybody's child much less her own.<br /><br />I heard from my mom the other day that Jackie at times is beginning to struggle with her sense of belonging and her identity. She's now 10-years-old and it's natural for all of us at that age to begin defining outselves but more sensitive an issue if you're adopted. You see by the picture above, Jackie is the little girl on the right. I love that picture. It was taken by my daughter a few years ago. It's two cousins putting a little love on each other. As you may have noticed, Jackie's skin doesn't exactly match the shade that most Scandinavian families have. To make matters increasingly difficult, she's at that age where children in school can be very thoughtless and cruel. Many times they're not even aware of how cruel they are. They just say what they think without much of a filter. That's why it's important that parents and grand parents concern themselves with teaching children how to be polite, how to be a friend, and how to accept everybody just as they are.<br /><br />I guess I'm posting this entry in an effort to clarify something for my niece. In other words, this is personal. The rest of you get to listen in.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Dear Jackie,</span><br /><br />This is uncle JL. I'm writing to tell you that I notice you. I always look forward to seeing you when I come to visit. There's no getting around your big smile and your vivacious personality. I also want you to know that I'm here for you when life doesn't always feel good. And, I want to address something that I've learned recently.<br /><br />Jackie, I want you to know that if and when kids make fun of you or the color of your skin and wonder why your mom doesn't have skin that matches yours, you need to focus on this. You're not defective just because you're different. Yes you're different but we all are. In fact, you can thank God every day that you're different from uncle JL. Can you imagine having to live in my head 24 hours a day or having to stare at my face in the mirror? Yuk!<br /><br />Different doesn't mean defective. When they show you a worksheet at school that displays three circles and one square, then they ask you to find which one doesn't belong, I'd tell them this. They all belong because "different" doesn't define whether or not something belongs. In fact Jackie, you more than belong. Sure you may at times feel like a square in a world of circles but belonging isn't measured by colors, shapes, and sizes. It's defined by love and acceptance.<br /><br />You belong. You see God saw your differences before the foundation of this world was made and because he loves you, he made room for you at my sisters house. Why her house? Because she's different too. I know it ain't easy living with my sister but you can do it. She tends to try and wear the pants so you and your dad need to remind her how baggy they look on her. She tends to boss you and your dad around until you and your dad remind her that she's not the boss unless you're an employee - in which case, she needs to pay both of you for your services.<br /><br />Uncle JL knows what it feels like to struggle with belonging. You don't have to have darker skin to feel uncomfortable in it. For me it's not my skin color but rather my ability to just be okay with being me. I've often found myself trying to be what people expect of me and that's called performance-based acceptance. I'm learning I don't have to perform in order to feel like I belong. You don't have to match skin color with me or your parents to define whether or not you belong.<br /><br />Even though you've been "loved" into our family instead of "born" into it, you have my permission to still make the claim that you look more like your dad than you do your mom. Why? Because your dad is much prettier than your mom. Just because he's 6'5" tall and wears tennie-runners that you could live in, don't let that stop you from identifying with him. Wait, I was teasing about your dad being prettier. Your big brother is the prettier one.<br /><br />As I wrap this up, I want you to know you've got two wonderful parents Jackie. Your siblings, Karen and David love you. All of your aunts, uncles, grand parents and cousins love you. You are wonderfully made. And, when you feel isolated or have a tendency to feel alone, it's okay. Sometimes we all have those feelings. Even the most popular kids at school sometimes feel alone. However, when you search for your identity and you want to find your sense of belonging, just keep in mind what you told me one day while you were sitting on grandma's couch many years ago.<br /><div align="center"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong><em>"I can't believe it. Isn't it great! Everybody loves me."<br />Believe it Jackie. It is great. We do love you!<br /><br /></em></strong></span></div>Love,<br />Uncle JL<br /><br /><br /><strong>Today's Thought:</strong> From your day's of infancy to your dying day, love will always motivate you to run toward its source. Two things that can screw that up are...1. If you've defined "different" as meaning "defective." People who believe they're defective struggle with accepting they are loved. Being different is good news. Be thankful. 2. Have you discovered your "sense of belonging" based on Love or on exterior markings and gifts and talents? People who only feel loved for what they look like, what they can do or what they have, haven't learned that genuine love just is. You don't have to earn it nor do you have to have the right color of skin to receive it.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-116368437971899354?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1163177578828421432006-11-10T10:49:00.000-06:002006-11-28T11:40:01.866-06:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/tear_down_the_statue.2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/320/tear_down_the_statue.1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">It's just the way it is.</span></span><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial; text-align: left;"><font><o:p></o:p></span></p><font> </span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal"><font><font><o:p></o:p>I'm assuming you've already read the prior posting. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>If not, this is a two part series and you'll need to back up one post before reading this. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I've timed this and you'll need 15-20 minutes to read. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I typically don't write about politics but today I will because this has been on my mind for too long.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><font><font> </span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><font><font><font><o:p></o:p>Did you think my story is what history will record about todays war in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>? <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Did you think it sounded like the war we presently are fighting? <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It did for me when the other day I began to do a little reading. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>The surprise is I was brushing up on the history of my country, the <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">United States of America</st1:place></st1:country-region>. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>You see the war I just described is the American Revolutionary War. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>My story was taken from the records of our history books.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p><font><font><font> </span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal" ><font><font><font><font><o:p></o:p>The reason I was brushing up on it was motivated by an asinine comment made by Madeline Albrecht, a former Secretary of State, during a television interview I'd come across on the Comedy Channel. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I should have known right there by the very nature of where she had landed on my dial, this woman is a joke. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Anyway, in an effort to sell her latest book, she chided in with the "unpopular war" commentators and the "this shouldn't be our war" crowd as she made the following ignorant statement. "<i>You can't spread democracy with the barrel of a gun." </i><span style="font-size:0;"></span>Hmmmmmm! <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Really? <span style="font-size:0;"></span>And just how, Ms. Albrecht, did you acquire the freedom to make that statement?<span style="font-size:0;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial; text-align: center;" align="center"><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>Similar wars with similar causes.</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial; text-align: center;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>It all happened with relative similarities. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Cause:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>This is the story of people in pursuit of independence from a government that stifled freedom. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Although <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Britain</st1:place></st1:country-region> was not torturing or systematically killing its citizens, it was governing with a strong arm and a choking presence as they refused to allow the new American colonies to self govern. That refusal eventually took the form of military force. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>The Brits had also been pursuing control of other regions of the world which was indicative of a government with an appetite. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Both <st1:country-region st="on">Britain</st1:country-region> and <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region> attempted to expand their empires by use of force. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>American's and Iraqi citizens wanted freedom. Regardless the reason that got us there, we've ended up helping the Iraqi's strive for theirs. <o:p>In the scheme of the bigger picture, I think that's good.</o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Approach:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>During the early 1770's, Americans withheld paying taxes to <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Britain'</st1:place></st1:country-region>s throne as they were becoming increasingly unhappy with high taxation and the loss of individual freedoms. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>People's homes and property could be searched without cause and without representation and we were being taxed more and more. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>In essence, the colonists placed economic sanctions on <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Britain</st1:place></st1:country-region> in an effort to make a political statement. In other words, just as we did with Saddam Hussein, we tried diplomacy and sanctions first. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>As political efforts failed, we eventually had to decide how much we were willing to pay for freedom. <span style="font-size:0;"></span><st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Britain</st1:place></st1:country-region> tried to dissolve our attempts at sovereignty and eventually took up arms to force their will. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It soon became evident that the cost of the American Revolution would include bloodshed and the rest is history. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Coalition:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>During the American Revolutionary War our soldiers did not fight alone in an effort to win sovereignty and freedom for <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America'</st1:place></st1:country-region>s 13 colonies. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>While <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">Britain</st1:country-region></st1:place> fought to keep their kingdom in control, they found themselves up against more than just our soldiers; they also had to fight a coalition of our citizens. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>You see, our newly formed army fought along side a collection of American militia as well as faced enemy militia who sided with Britain. Today in Iraq you'll find their newly formed army also includes Iraqi militia as well as faces militia still loyal to Saddam's dictatorship. Although poorly trained, these militia in both cases were willing to adapt and formalize and the freedom fighters eventually played a big part in the revolution.<o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>The coalition also included outsiders. They were the armies of <st1:country-region st="on">France</st1:country-region>, <st1:country-region st="on">Spain</st1:country-region>, the Dutch empires and the <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Netherlands</st1:place></st1:country-region>.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>Also, included on both sides of the revolution were Canadian and American Indians along with a small number of Americans and black slaves loyal to the crown. I'm sure this made it difficult at times to recognize the enemy which is a common theme lately in our news from <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Learning Curve:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>Just as in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>, we made mistakes during the revolutionary war that jeopardized the safety of the American soldier. Comparable to the issue of inadequate armored vehicles, the American revolutionary soldier was also vulnerable.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>For example, General George Washington, in 1777, put out the word for 400 select <st1:state st="on">Virginia</st1:state> riflemen to advance toward the <st1:place st="on">Hudson River</st1:place> in an effort to stop the British. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>During the battle of <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Saratoga</st1:place></st1:city> these sharpshooters were accurate at well over 200 yards but suffered losses from their long reload times and their lack of bayonets which were needed when the enemy would advance. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>This meant we initially lost many of these soldiers in combat. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>The commanders and soldiers eventually learned to mix the sharpshooters with trained men armed with muskets and bayonets to protect them. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>In other words, added armament was needed and adaptations were made.<o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Insurgents:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p style="font-family: arial;" class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>In both the revolutionary war and in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>, American soldiers faced insurgents. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>During the revolution they were the Tories, Indians, and German mercenaries that came from within and from outside our country. These insurgents were financed by the opposition just as the insurgents we face today are. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Although methods of warfare differ, the formula for war has been somewhat predictable when you read our history.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b style="font-family: arial;"><font>The Religion:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>Just as today's war in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region> has a strong religious factor to consider, so was the case at the birth of our nation. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>For our citizens it was primarily Christianity. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>For <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region> it is Islam. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>There were and are outspoken politicians and religious men in both conflicts.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>Some apposed the violence while others condoned it. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I'm sure there were those during the revolution who thought the cause was hopeless due to the influence of religion and felt we had no chance of establishing a democracy but rather would see a theocracy. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It probably appeared impossible to create a government that could separate religion from politics. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>But, the revolution was fought, the victory was won, and <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> was born with the spread of democracy coming through the barrel of a gun.<o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Politicians:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>After the defeat at Yorktown, political support plummeted back in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">London</st1:place></st1:city>. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Again, history recycles itself in that "unpopular wars" produce unpopular politicians. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Prime Minister Lord North soon resigned in the face of political and public opposition and today, Tony Blair will soon follow in those footsteps for many of the same reasons.<b> <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Victory:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>When <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Baghdad</st1:place></st1:city> was taken by American soldiers, the war was thought to be over. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>As we've seen, this was not the case.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>Similarly at the battle of <st1:place st="on">Yorktown</st1:place>, the surrender of Cornwallis's army in October of 1781 was thought to be a decisive victory against the British. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>However, just as in the case with <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>, pockets of resistance in outlying cities were still under the control of some 30,000 British soldiers. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It wouldn't be until two years later that we'd find the last British soldier retreating back to <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Britain</st1:place></st1:country-region>. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>In all, the revolutionary war lasted 8 years.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Constitution:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>We established our government by writing the Declaration of Independence and eventually the Constitution of the <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">United States</st1:place></st1:country-region> of America .<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>Today, the reason <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> is able to help write a constitution for anybody wanting a free society is not because we want to force our values on someone else but rather because we have a history of practicing successfully, freedom and independence. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Since our forefathers penned our Constitution we've become the benchmark for others.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>After WWII we had to actually write <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Japan'</st1:place></st1:country-region>s constitution for them as they were unable to do so themselves or even fathom the concept. We insisted they no longer would live under a dictator and today <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Japan</st1:place></st1:country-region> is one of our greatest allies for freedom. <span style="font-size:0;"></span><st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region> is another step in helping brothers and sisters of the human race live as all do that now live under a democracy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Mistake:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>If <st1:country-region st="on">America</st1:country-region> is making any mistakes at present with the pursuit of independence and freedom for Iraqi citizens, it would be best to remember the mistake <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Britain</st1:place></st1:country-region> made during our revolution. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>While <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Britain</st1:place></st1:country-region> had enough soldiers to defeat the Americans in battle, they did not have enough manpower to maintain control of each city as they took it. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>This left colonials with the ability to continue their uprisings and solicitation of recruits for the Patriots. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I believe our military is the best in the world and the smartest. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>That being said, somebody has missed studying history. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>What I believe needs to be done is, we need to take control of each city and province in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region> for a period of time until the taste of democracy and true freedom can take root. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>American and allied forces occupied <st1:place st="on"><st1:country-region st="on">Japan</st1:country-region></st1:place> for seven years after WWII. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>What that tells me is, there is no McDonald's drive-thru for democracy. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It takes time. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I believe much of <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region> has already started to get a taste of a better future but we continue to see pockets of resistance where we lack occupied control. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>We will continue to be frustrated with our progress until a complete presence is established in <st1:country-region st="on">Iraq</st1:country-region> by its own army, the <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">U.S.</st1:place></st1:country-region> and the coalition forces.<o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><o:p>I also believe there needs to be a textbook written for this and all future endeavors to spread democracy. There needs to be case studies derived from the history of at least half a dozen democracies so that people such as the Iraqis can learn how difficult yet valuable their journey will be. How do you expect them to build a democracy when generations of them have never experienced it or know anything about it?<br /></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial; text-align: center;" align="center"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The Truth & Conclusion:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>What is the truth about any war? <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It is never popular and never easy. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>War isn't our first choice for resolution. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>History has recorded that in almost every case, politics and diplomacy were the first choice for change unless of course there's a bully.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>For ten years we tried political and economic sanctions with Saddam but to no avail. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It has only been in the case where dictators, kings, or a religion has oppressed the spread of democracy that the final outcome for change came through force. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>An example of this is the French Revolution where citizens fought both the Catholic Church and their government in order to be free.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>Is there a just cause?</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>Why do we get into most wars?<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>What argument could we possibly have to justify their cause? <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I think the just cause is thematic throughout the history of the world. <span style="font-size:0;"></span><u>It has to do with bullies.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span></u><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" face="arial"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>We're not in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region> or for that matter in any other conflicts other than the ones that involve bullies who only understand one thing, submitting to a greater strength. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>You may want to call us the bigger bully but the truth is, to those who much is given much is required and we're it. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>We haven't sought out to harm people but rather to help them obtain their God given right to experience power to control their destiny and live freely. We've done it for decades as far back as the war that brought us our own independence.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The enemy within?</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>I've grown weary of ignorant politicians making stupid comments such as the one former Secretary Albrecht made the day I was channel surfing. Of course democracy shouldn't be delivered by the barrel of a gun unless the person in power doesn't respond to anything else. <span style="font-size:0;"></span><span style="font-size:0;"></span>I'm really sick of news reporters and pundits using the term "unpopular war." <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I would have to assume there have been popular wars and to my knowledge, there has never been a popular war. What they don't realize is, by using that term, they're teaching the next generation of Americans that war should be defined in terms of popular or unpopular as if it's popularity that determines what's right. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I'm sick of politicians, reporters, and citizens calling our President a liar when there hasn't been a war fought on this planet where "secret intelligence" was completely correct. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Just ask the American soldiers who landed on <st1:place st="on">Iwo Jima</st1:place> and found nearly every piece of preliminary intelligence to be wrong. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Unfortunately, it's the nature of war. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>The good news for the rest of the world, we've usually stayed the course in spite of bad information or unpopularity.<o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>Opinion Polls:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>I'm glad they didn't listen to any opinion polls between 1775 and 1783 to determine if their cause should go forward based on what's popular. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I'm glad they didn't pull out because our army was ill equipped to handle the conflict. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I'm glad we didn't give up just because the blood of American soldiers was being spilled for an unpopular war or because thousands were dying from disease. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I'm glad Saddam's statue was pulled down by some 200 American soldiers and Iraqi citizens but more so I'm thankful that over 200 years ago, on July 6^th, 1776, we did the same by pulling down the statue of King George III at <st1:placename st="on">Bowling Green</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">Park</st1:placetype> in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">New York City</st1:place></st1:city>.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>Understanding our Enemies:</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>Unfortunately for the world, dictators continue to oppress people. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Dictators are those men who take it upon themselves to control the destiny of their citizens in an effort to benefit a favored few and usually by use of torture, prison, and threat of death. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>They also have historically had the desire to take over their neighbors property. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>For most that live under them, there is a minimal level of education, health care, and political choices offered.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>They are not free to travel or pursue outside cultures. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>They are held down by lies, fear and isolation because dictators seldom can rule with good ideas. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>These are true bullies in a world that is quickly becoming a small neighborhood.<o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>Who's going to care?</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><span style="font-size:0;"></span>Unfortunately for <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> we find ourselves being called upon to rescue people that may or may not like us. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Fortunately for them, we're getting better at answering the call. However, for <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> to get involved sometimes means we must practice the old adage, <i>those who live by the sword, eventually have to die by it. </i>We've not been a perfect country but perfection is not achievable nor can be defined so it's ludicrous to assume it exists. We are a country that hopefully will never forget where we came from and how we got here. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>If we lack anything today, it seems to be empathy for others and a well rooted understanding of our own history.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>Richard & Robert were right.</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>Richard and Robert were a songwriting team. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>In 1966 a song written by them was introduced to the American public.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>"It's a small world after all" soon became a favorite around the globe. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>As technology, economics, health and issues on ecology continue to increase the need for globalization of our planet, we must all realize that the world is no longer disjointed. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>All islands have disappeared and what happens in one country or within a culture will eventually in one way or another affect their neighbors. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>With the World Wide Web, the secrets of American politicians will no longer be tolerated and dictators around the world can no longer hide what they do to their citizens.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>With the consolidation of large corporations and the creation of mutual investment funds around the world, the business of economics no longer has clear boundaries.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>When one country destroys their forests, pollutes the air or water, or experiences a failing economy, we all are affected. If health issues, such as the recent bird flu, arise in one part of the world, we are all threatened. It's now to a point where you would be hard pressed to find a truly independent society.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>Whose move is it anyway?</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>The smaller planet means we exist more as a neighborhood than we do a cluster of nations.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>Because of this, the game of Chess and Monopoly has become the norm. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>We have at times found ourselves taking sides with an evil neighbor in an effort to keep peace or force someone worse to make their move such as was the case in <st1:country-region st="on">Afghanistan</st1:country-region> when <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Russia</st1:place></st1:country-region> tried to protect Marxists ideology during the 80's and we became allies with the guy that was eventualy responsible for 911. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>We've also had to step in and force someone to either move or comply with the neighborhood consensus. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>We must now look at and consider who lives across the street and around the block. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Who is testing dangerous weapons and are they stable and trustworthy? <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Who is bringing drugs into the neighborhood and selling them to our children? <span style="font-size:0;"></span>We can't afford to let a neighbor live outside of what's expected for common decency, safety and the freedom of others. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It's not acceptable to allow bullies to rule as they keep trying to move their fence further onto their neighbor's property line. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It now affects all of us.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>The game has rules, some of which we don't create.</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>In the game of worldwide Chess and Monopoly, we've made bad moves, lost strategic plays and even jeopardized our strength.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>We've made moves that were popular but wrong and we've made moves that were unpopular but proved correct.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>If you look at the history of the world, the majority of conflicts have been in and around bullies. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>When it comes to bullies, it's rare that we've found one who'll submit to anything but force. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Hitler was a prime example. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Although facing an entire world against him, he wouldn't back down. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>As a child, bullies in my grade school classroom only submitted to one thing, somebody bigger and stronger.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>We've been put in the unenviable position of becoming the world's "strongman" in an effort to curb, if not eliminate, the evil that goes on around us.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>If you're not going to play by the rules, you eventually will be kicked out of the game.<o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><b><font>Our destiny.</span></b><font><font><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>That being said, the day has come where we now find ourselves involved in the politics and policies of other nations much more frequently and we'd better get used to it.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span>Further more, we may be there just because it's the right thing to do. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It may not be based on what's popular or easy. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It may not be due to personal attacks on our nation or a personal threat. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It may be simply because <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> will need to be depended on to stop the bullies of this world if nobody else will. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>Just as <st1:country-region st="on">Spain</st1:country-region>, <st1:country-region st="on">France</st1:country-region>, the Dutch and the <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Netherlands</st1:place></st1:country-region> were willing to spill their soldier's blood for our freedom, so we must be willing to do the same for others. This matters to me because the neighborhood consists of all of us. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It's time democratic societies begin to do more than just protect their own borders but rather practice a little empathy for the suffering that goes on under the rule off countries controlled by evil dictators or in some cases experiencing the genocide of neighbors killing neighbors. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>If we actually saw the world as a neighborhood and everybody as our neighbor, we'd quickly come to the rescue of those who suffer. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>We do it now when hurricanes come or earthquakes happen. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>Why not when bullies make threats, torture, imprison and kill their citizens and neighbors?<o:p> </o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>Not long ago, <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region> was ranked 9^th largest army in the world; ranked fourth to us in manpower. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>I think if you're going to make a statement to all other Muslim nations who harbor radical Islamic extremist, you simply make example of one in the middle of the map and the others will have to sit up and pay attention. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>After decades of these miscellaneous attacks on our country, we no longer intend on turning the other cheek. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>No more attacks on our marine bases, embassies or on Americans around the world will be overlooked. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>It's not our first choice but you have to ask yourself, when will we stand up to the bullies? <span style="font-size:0;"></span><span style="font-size:0;"></span>Because we destroyed one big bully and his dictatorship, recent polls now show that <st1:country-region st="on">Pakistan</st1:country-region>, <st1:country-region st="on">Indonesia</st1:country-region>, <st1:country-region st="on">Turkey</st1:country-region> and <st1:country-region st="on">Nigeria</st1:country-region> have become worried that <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> could become a military threat to them. It's about time. That's a good thing when you consider that before the invasion of <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Iraq</st1:place></st1:country-region>, they feared very little concerning us and they are predominantly Muslim nations preaching anti-American hatred. I think we're simply flushing out the idiots and eventually we'll have made our point.<span style="font-size:0;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>If we can agree that other nations should help save the whales, save the seals, and save the forest, I'd think we'd want to also insist some of them should save their citizens and leave their neighbors alone to live in peace. If they don't, as a neighbor I'd like to go next door and do something about it. All through history war has more times than not been the method for stopping bullies so democracy and freedom could be propagated. In fact, if we'd understood bullies better, we'd forego sanctions and diplomacy much sooner as it usually will only cause more suffering for <font>the people under the dictator.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size:78%;"></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">To our American soldiers I say "Fight On!"</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" > </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">You are in the right place at the right time and history is on your side. If you stay the course, you will prevail and liberty will be delivered to a people who will someday be able to look back and thank you.</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" > Sometimes you have to spread democracy with the barrel of a gun.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font>It's just the way it is Madeline Albrecht. <span style="font-size:0;"></span>History doesn't lie and in my opinion, you belong on the Comedy Channel.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: arial;"><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></p><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font><font> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-116317757882842143?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1163177256836560762006-11-10T10:44:00.000-06:002006-11-10T10:48:16.476-06:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/soldiers-1.2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/320/soldiers-1.2.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:arial;" >For those who enjoy a good riddle.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><span style="font-family:arial;"><br />Our soldiers embarked on a plan of sabotage: creating road blocks, destroying bridges, and using hit-and-run tactics as they began to fight their unwanted foe. Destroying certain elements of a homeland in an effort to bring freedom to it seemed ludicrous, almost insane, but it was the only way they could envision obtaining freedom for these people. And besides, they were under orders.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Little by little the enemy was forced to slow their advance until they could no longer make progress. Those who remained loyal to the old regime were systematically being destroyed or captured by our men. Within a very short period of time the Americans had the enemy at a standstill. Although we initially became the aggressors in this cause, a coalition of forces joined our ranks and a combined effort was now underway as our soldiers sought to bring democracy to a people that needed their help.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Soon there would also be the involvement of local citizens who were recruited and trained to fight along side our men. They were willing to join as it was their freedom they were fighting for. Inexperience was witnessed throughout several campaigns but the cause for which men fought became the fuel that kept them unified and dedicated to a common goal. Democracy was the dream that many were hoping would come to this land.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">There were times when the battles seemed impossible to win. It was thought that only 40 to 45 percent of American citizens were behind this war for freedom. However, our soldiers never lost spirit. Insurgents came into play as an estimated 30,000 combatants arrived from nearby countries and took up arms in loyal service to our enemy. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">We made mistakes such as not protecting well enough our soldiers who arrived with inferior methods for fighting such a war. Many of the commanders, although experienced in battle, were not completely ready for this immense undertaking. Battles were not being fought on an open battlefield but rather city by city and throughout the countryside. Many Americans died while we learned to adapt and attempt to reduce our potential for losses as the war continued on.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">We fought fearlessly and didn’t give up hope. Our goal was to stay the course until we had won and delivered democracy to these people. Our methods got better, our soldiers became safer and eventually we began to defeat overwhelming odds. Even though coalition allies were fewer in number than our own army, we appreciated every soldier who stood by our side. The hope was that one day the efforts of this war would meet a basic human need that is born into the hearts of all men and women. Hopefully there would be a new nation with a people that could practice freely the power to control their own destiny. Countries run by kings and dictators give that freedom to only one person, themselves. This was a battle to even the score for the citizens of a new world.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The day came not long into this conflict, when a small group of soldiers, sailors, and citizens decided it was time to further their cause. Just a few days prior, there had been a public declaration of freedom and independence for the country they now occupied. In the middle of one of it’s largest cities stood a statue of the man they had come to despise. Weighing over 4000 pounds and depicting his likeness, this giant form had towered for years over an oppressed people. On this day, it would be pulled down and destroyed. This act would further solidify the bond between the Americans, their allies, and the citizen soldiers who fought together, all in spite of those who apposed this kind of action.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">And last but not least, coming into play was an element of religious fanaticism. You see this was a country with a strong faction of its citizens committed to ancient religious convictions that went back thousands of years. These were men and women who took seriously their daily duty to obey a higher power and practice its influence. These citizens had actually rooted their society in their religious beliefs and it was central to their existence. For that reason, there was much debate as to whether or not they could even separate their religion from the establishment of a new government. Many saw it as an arduous undertaking and one that they could not win. Again, nothing was going to stop these people from their pursuit for freedom, democracy and the power to control their destiny.</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Your challenge:</span></span> </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The story I've written above is an actual account. Can you figure out what war it was or is?</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Soon I’ll post the answer along with my political commentary on current affairs<br />in America and our world.</span><br /></div><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Please leave your best guess by clicking on the “Comments” button. Also feel free to forward this particular posting to any American Soldiers you know.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">JL </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-116317725683656076?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1152814482001570452006-07-13T12:58:00.000-05:002006-07-23T08:27:39.320-05:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/JL-%26-Jack-Blog-shot.19.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/320/JL-%26-Jack-Blog-shot.16.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:130%;" ><strong>...but Jack got there first.<br /><br /></strong></span></div><div align="center"> </div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;">Have you ever arrived at a destination or achieved something that left you wondering how you got there? If you would have told me 15 years ago that I would one day write marketing material for some of the worlds largest corporations or that for several years I'd be invited to spend an afternoon each summer on a billionaire's twelve million dollar yacht, or that I'd write a speech for Walter Mondale without telling him I was a Republican, I'd have asked you what you were smoking. Those are only a few of the stories that fall into this amazing "how did I get here" category that I've collected over the years. Today is another one of those stories.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Now that I'm 47-years-old and a few gray hairs are beginning to create that look that says mid-life is here, I've begun to appreciate some of the surprises that have come my way. However, should you find yourself thinking it was all completely random, I've got a secret I want to share. It wasn't. I used to think it was but now I've got a different perspective. There are links.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Today's posting includes one of those, "how did I get here" moments. Well, here's how it happened. You see, my previous post tells you the story of my journey into New York City awhile back and my chance meeting with a budding movie maker. Remember Sonny? I had volunteered to give her a ride into Manhattan in exchange for her map reading skills and directions that would get me on my way to upper Connecticut. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">While we headed into New York City and practiced our stop-and-go driving, very much like touch-and-go that pilots practice, she told me about a project she would be directing after getting back to Minneapolis. I had promised her that I'd go see her movie when I got home and would also give consideration to her invitation to help with the upcoming assignment. Upon arriving back in the Twin Cities, I made arrangements to go see Sonny's movie at the Bell Museum and even bought her DVD after the showing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Last week I offered more support by accepting her second invitation which was to follow my nose out to Paisley Park Studios, located in Chanhassan, MN. If you're not familiar with Paisley Park, it's the studio that our hometown superstar Prince owns. My agreement to help involved being a volunteer studio audience member for the filming of 20 or more authors who have made the New York Times Best Sellers list. I was motivated more with the opportunity to take a shortcut to reading their latest books by hearing them in person. In other words, I wanted to end that week with the claim that I'd just read twenty books by actually having the authors tell me their story personally. You know me, life is about the adventure and once and awhile finding a good chuckle. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I had registered to be an audience member for the Monday and Tuesday sessions and not really planning on much more than that. However, after my first two days I decided I was having too much fun and learning a lot about life from these world class authors. It inspired me. The filming sessions went from 10:00 A.M. to 2:00 P.M. and then 3:00 P.M. to 7:00 P.M. I returned Wednesday and enjoyed the morning sessions before taking my hour for lunch. Upon returning I had no idea what surprise awaited me. It was going to be our last session of the day that would become another of my "how did I get here" moments. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Each filming session began with practicing the introductions and applause just so the producer could make sure we were remaining a lively audience. Then, here came the introduction of someone who hadn't been on the list. "Ladies and gentlemen, help me welcome Jack Canfield." What? The guy who has sold over 80 million books? You mean the guy who has single handedly given chicken soup a whole new purpose in life? Yep. That's the one. The one and only Chicken Soup for the Soul author was about to serve me my own personal bowl.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">What was his story? He was introducing his latest book, The Success Principles, which include 64 secrets to success. But, what I really got from his presentation was his story relating to how he was first published. He said he had taken his first book to well over 100 publishers and experienced one rejection after another. When he finally found a publisher that would take him, it was a failing publisher that was on their way out of business. (Shortcut to the end of the story) Although it took about a year to take off, once it did, Jack shared a 1.1 million dollar royalty check each month for twelve months in a row with his partner, Mark Victor Hanson. Needless to say, he was on his way and the publisher was obviously not going to shut their doors any time soon. Jack has gone on to hold the Guinness world book of records for the most books listed simultaneously on the New York Times Best Sellers list. Seven to be exact. He has written over thirty books to date.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The other thing that inspired me was Jack's emphasis on setting clear and definable goals if you want to see your dreams come true. He explained how he and Mark had made a goal to do at least five things a day to promote their first book, even if it meant giving five copies away. That's when I suddenly had another dream and decided to set a goal. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I couldn't wait for the session to be over and the cameras to be turned off. As soon as Jack was finished I jumped out of my third row seat in an effort to beat the other 30 audience members to the front. I came in second and stood to wait my turn. Then, I delivered the lines I had been rehearsing over and over in my head. "Jack," I said, "I just had a dream that I'm turning into a goal and I even have figured out the ten steps it takes to achieve it." He gave me a look as if I was about to really deliver some life changing dream. Of course this is me we're talking about. I had something else to say. "Jack, my dream today is to have my picture taken with you and the ten steps I needed to take to achieve this goal began back at that chair. Can I get a picture with you?" He chuckled and the rest is chalked up to my history. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">As a wannabe author, I was elated to rub shoulders with a guy that I considered no different than me except he was following through much more than I do. His inspirational story has gotten me to a place where I'm going to follow through on my own dream of becoming an author. I'm not worried about the fact that I flunked 10th-grade English. I'll hire a proof reader. I just want to finish what I started and then, start a second book. By the way, I often hate clicking the "Publish Post" button on my blog because I'm always sure there's something I didn't do correctly with a comma or a quote mark. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">How did I get here? I ended up with the realization that offering someone a ride to Manhattan was how I ended up with my own ride to meet Jack Canfield. It's how I ended up in the audience to someday be seen by possibly hundreds of thousands of people who may buy the DVD that was filmed last Wednesday. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Over and above how I recently met Jack Canfield is where the entire journey actually began many years ago. It's actually about meeting a guy, Doug Sailor, in the early 1990's. Why? Because Doug and the company he worked for gave me the ride I needed to get a start-up advertising agency off the ground. It's how I would later end up on Stan Hubbard's twelve million dollar yacht each summer, meet and work with Irwin Jacobs, be hired by the U of M to help them with a 1.6 billion dollar capital campaign, and get an early phone call one morning from Paul Ridgeway and Harvey Mckay when they needed someone to help come up with the idea "www.Keepthetwins.com" in an effort to collect over 50,000 signatures from the fans. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Doug and his side-kick Matt, were my very first clients when I began in marketing and advertising. I was starting in my basement with only a computer and a dream. I had absolutely no college education relative to marketing and advertising. In fact, my son who was in Kindergarten at the time, had to show me how to put a disc in my computer. All I had was a creative mind and two guys, Doug and Matt, who believed in me and chose not to throw me from the train even though a few times I may have deserved it. I often think about the links that have connected from there to the present and how each client from that point on would forever be linked to the first guy that gave me a chance to be my creative and sometimes foolish self. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Many of the stories I draw on, as I travel the country and teach marketing and advertising workshops, have come out of the six or more years that I spent helping Doug and overall the twelve years of accumulating the clients that I met after him. If it were not for those experiences and those stories of both success and failure, I wouldn't have been hired by the Connecticut Credit Union League to deliver my day long workshop entitled, The Art of Marketing your Business and therefore not on an airplane to New York City where I'd find Sunny who ultimately got me in a position to meet a person I highly admire. And, in the end you wouldn't be reading today's story. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Thanks Matt &amp; Doug for believing in me and thanks for the picture Jack. Now, if I can just finish my first book, maybe I'd become at least a hundredaire and afford a proof reader for my blog.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>Todays thought:</strong><br /><em>Give all the rides you can and never assume you won't be receiving a ride in return. It's what gets you to the "How did I get here" moments in your life.</em> </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;">Feel free to leave comments or forward this on to a friend.<br />JLglass</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-115281448200157045?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1147041422206060672006-05-07T17:32:00.000-05:002006-07-23T08:47:42.990-05:00<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/manhattan.0.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/320/manhattan.0.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div align="center"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:85%;" >Manhattan</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style=";font-family:arial;font-size:130%;" ><strong>The World's Most Dangerous Polka Band</strong></span></div><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I can't imagine what it would be like to someday be able to say, "I just finished my first movie." Those were the words of Sonya "Sonny" Tormoen as we were doing our best to focus on weaving through heavy traffic from JFK to downtown Manhattan. </span><span style="font-family:arial;">As we were deplaning after a 2 1/2 hour flight from Minneapolis to New York City, </span><span style="font-family:arial;">Sonya asked if I'd like to share a cab. I responded that I could do her one better. "How would you like a ride in my rental car in exchange for being my map reader?" I figured I'd at least minimize the opportunity for getting lost in New York City before I had to head north to Conneticut, which was my final destination that day. I could have flown to within 30 minutes of Wallingford, Connecticut but life for me is more about creating adventures. I wanted to drive through New York City because the last time I'd been there was many years ago. Back then I had gone with a friend to see the David Letterman show.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Sonya had just finished premiering her first movie and was now on her way to a last-minute opportunity to get the attention of some heavy hitters that may help further her career. She was on her way to the U.N. building for a party that evening in which she was hoping to meet billionaire Jeff Skoll. Jeff Skoll and partner Ricky Strauss have created a production company that strives to make socially relevant movies. Sonya wanted to pitch an idea and all she needed was a chance to hand off a DVD to those who might watch it and decide to help her. Only on a "God moment" opportunity had she been given the chance to be at this "invitation only" party. With all invitations gone, a friend had arranged for her to attend the event as a volunteer helper. She was more than willing to do whatever it took to be there.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">As we visited, laughed, and jockeyed for position through traffic, Sonya told me a bit of her life's story. We laughed as she told me she still lives with her parents. I told her that I didn't see that as too odd since "creative types" seem to struggle forever to make money by using what comes most natural to them. As an example there's the joke about what you call a guitar player without a girlfriend. Homeless. In other words, making a living as an artist or creative person is next to impossible. I assured her it was just fine with me that she still lived at home as long as she keeps her bedroom clean. The real reason she was there though had nothing to do with being creative. She had suffered many years with health problems and home was where and how she had finally recovered.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The journey that Sonya had traveled in the last few weeks was incredible and complicated. I didn't quite follow all of it but the fact was, getting to meet Jeff Skoll was a divine appointment in her opinion. She even told me I may be giving a ride to the opportunity of her lifetime. She laughed as she said I should be honored just in case this becomes the big break she's been looking for. I said it was my pleasure to be providing the ride to her dream.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">We got to Manhattan without missing a turn. For two "creative types" that's a miracle in itself. Sonya gave me all the finger-pointing and hand gesturing needed so I could stay focused on each turn. Through the honking, pedestrians, and limousines that thought they owned the road, we eventually found Sonya's destination. To further prove her destiny may have had a divine appointment , there was an open parking spot right in front of the building we needed to be at. If you've ever been to Manhattan...well, you know. What a confidence builder for Sonya. Here she was on a moments notice finding an opportunity to meet a big wheel in the movie industry. Not only that, she was getting a free ride from the airport and a perfect parking spot to unload her luggage. Considering the fact that she had told me how broke she was after producing her movie, it appeared to me, her destiny was getting a little help from above.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">What's my point to all this? That day was not about me. This happened last Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006. I thought I was on my way to Conneticut to another speaking engagement. What I eventually discovered was, I was also on my way to helping someone realize their dream. I was right in the middle of someone else's destiny and giving them a free ride was my contribution. How exciting is that?<br /><br />Somehow I was chosen that day to share a rental car with another "creative type" such as myself. Her world made total sense to me even though I'm sure she was convinced I was going to think otherwise. I got it when she described how many wrong turns she'd made throughout her life and I promised her I'd made more. I got it when she told me she struggles with self-esteem and I thought to myself, me too. I got it when she said her friends tease her about not having a real job and I asked her, what's a job? Everything Sonya said, I got it. As a result, I was able to give her some pretty sound advice and explained a few lessons I'd learned about people such as ourselves. Oh, by the way. When I say "sound advice" I mean my mouth was making a sound while I pontificated on the "JL outlook" on life. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I called Sonya on my way back from Conneticut. She had made it to her party. She got to meet and deliver her proposal to three other partners of Jeff Skoll. She didn't get to meet Jeff but she was pleased with what she had been able to achieve.This week I plan on heading over to the Bell Auditorium at the University of Minnesota campus to see <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">The World's Most Dangerous Polka Band</span>, produced by my new friend, Sonya. It appears it will only be showing on Wednesday and Thursday but I'll be there for one of those showings. I can't wait to see this documentary about a polka band from Minneapolis whose drummer is over eighty years old.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The next time you find yourself wrapped up in a day in which you believe it's all about you, take a minute to step back and offer someone a ride. You never know, you may be delivering them to the heart of their destiny. Life isn't always about me. It used to be, but that's changing.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-114704142220606067?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1142638442175810972006-03-17T17:28:00.000-06:002006-03-17T17:34:02.196-06:00<div align="center"><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/Outside-Jessies-Card.0.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/320/Outside-Jessies-Card.0.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"> (click photo to enlarge)</span></div><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">"If you weren’t so fat you’d be married by now." "You keep eating like that and your boyfriend will need a pickup truck just to take you out for a movie." Ouch! These comments are not the kind of thing any woman would like to hear, much less from the men they live with. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Years ago my son came home after spending some time with one of the young ladies in his church youth group. He began to share his concerns about the low self-esteem his friend was exhibiting. "Dad, she is continually putting herself down. No matter what I say to encourage or compliment her, she doesn’t seem to accept it."</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Young teenage girls are in the transition of a lifetime as they mature into womanhood. They are often extremely conscious of their appearance and their progress. They may not outwardly say it but many of them subconsciously are measuring themselves against the Hollywood portrayals of beauty and perfection. Their chemistry is like that of the roller coaster ride at an amusement park. They can be fine one minute and the next you’d be best to leave the room. They try on four outfits just to get ready for school. They spend countless hours working on perfecting hair and makeup. They constantly are aware of even the smallest of perceived flaws.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Upon further investigation, my son found out that this young lady with the constant negative self image had a bigger problem. Come to find out, much of what she thought of herself had been nurtured at home. She had a dad and a brother who enjoyed spending their free time teasing the only daughter in the house. At dinner time she’d be teased. On the way to church, she was teased. It didn’t matter when or where, it was common practice in that home to belittle the daughter.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I’m not the perfect dad but one thing I try to do is to be one of the most positive architects of my daughter’s self-esteem. Her brother has been programmed to also help with that. It's not easy sometimes but it's our job as men in this house to be the builders not destroyers of love and acceptance. It has been my journey through life to often use sarcasm or cutting remarks in my humor. The problem is, when it comes to my family, I don’t want them to find themselves on the other end of that verbal sword. </span><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:arial;"><p><br />We have a rule in this house. Of all the places on earth, our home will be the safest place for any of us - spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Nobody is to spend unnecessary time fighting (not that we don’t get to fight once and awhile) over ridiculous issues. We are not to cut each other down and we are to go out of our way to lift each other up. (Unless it’s one of our comedy routines that we often practice on each other) Very few conversations leave out the words, "I love you," when hanging up our cell phones. We try to say it to our kids constantly and they say it back as well. I try to make sure my children don’t build their self esteem on things they can’t change. True worth and beauty is internal.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately for this young lady, she will have a very difficult time in life, especially if she gets married. She’s been programmed to believe no man finds her attractive and even if she falls in love, she may constantly battle the belief that her husband truly loves her just as she is. Worse yet, she will probably become attracted to another man just like dear old dad. He’ll continue where dad left off and she’ll always find herself the butt of his humor.</p><p></p><p>The apostle Paul wrote that we are not to let the world conform us. He goes on to say we are to be transformed by the renewing of our thinking. . Conformed means outward pressure applied inwardly. Transformed is inward pressure applied outwardly. You can wear as many nice clothes as you can afford along with makeup and jewelry but, if inside you see a defective human being you won’t be happy. The most precious ground for nurturing beauty is on the inside. It’s not tilling the top soil with makeup, clothes, exercise, and hairdos. The real beauty is found from nurturing the deeper layers of our inward person. Many of us need to help renew some of the thinking that our daughters and sons exhibit.</p><p></p><p>Do me a favor today and apologize to the men, women, wife, daughters, and sons in your life for the times you’ve made them the butt of your jokes. If you don’t know how to apologize, just ask me. I have to do it all the time. Then I want you to make sure not a day goes by where you aren’t busy being the architect of your family’s positive self image. You’re the leader. LEAD!</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">I wrote the poem seen above while sitting in the parking lot of my bank. It just started coming to me as many of my random creative ideas do. Read it to your daughter(s) and constantly remind her that she's your princess.</span> </p><p></p><p>Posting comments is welcome below.</span></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-114263844217581097?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1141744984896355372006-03-07T09:05:00.000-06:002006-03-07T09:26:23.933-06:00<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/JL-&-Andy.0.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/400/JL-%26-Andy.0.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;">Andy &amp; Dad Boundary Waters (click to enlarge)</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">Time together</span></strong></span><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /></div></span><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I remember the time I had to teach my son the consequences for something he had done. Andy was about 4 years old when he and his little neighborhood buddy were found running circles through our front and back yard. I couldn't figure out how they were able to accomplish this without going through our garage or house. Because there is an in-ground pool in the backyard, our fence had no gate. The only access was via our patio door or the garage.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I decided to investigate the situation and upon closer observation, I found the problem. Well, it was a problem for me. For Andy it was an opportunity. He and his friend had busted loose a few boards from the privacy fence and commenced to crawling through it as they escaped into the neighbor's yard. Now I had a dilemma on my hands. Do I scream, holler and get angry? Or, do I relax and think of a creative way to offer another of life's lessons? I chose the latter.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I got Andy's attention along with his friend George and we gathered a couple of nails and a hammer. I also went into the house to retrieve my camera. Out to the scene of the crime we went as I informed Andy that busting holes in the fence is not the preferred way to be entertained. I told him he was to nail the boards back on but not until I took a picture. There he and George posed, like two innocent kids waiting to undo their misdeed. Their picture, one kid with the hammer the other with the evidence, was perfect.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The boys fixed the fence and later I had the picture developed so I could tape it up in Andrew's room. I informed him the picture was a reminder to not make the same mistakes his dad seems to often make. "Think before you act." The lesson wasn't about the fence but rather a bigger lesson about life. Our actions need to be thought through because life has consequences. Some are good and some are bad. Some we can undo and some we can't.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Soon Andy is turning 21-years-old and I'm proud to say that my son seems to have learned his lesson. Although he is often anxious as any young man to make his own decisions, he usually is careful enough to seek advice before he acts. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">It takes time to grow up, time to teach, and it takes time to learn. Take some time today and find a creative way to teach a child another one of life's lessons. Being creative can also make it much more memorable. Remember, as men it's our job to make a positive impact on the next generation. I believe not enough of us are are taking our job seriously.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-114174498489635537?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1141311276619218162006-03-02T08:41:00.000-06:002006-03-02T08:58:39.630-06:00<div align="center"><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/Truck-Blue-Sky.4.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/320/Truck-Blue-Sky.4.jpg" border="0" /></a> <span style="font-size:85%;">1964 Ford F100 43,k original miles<br /></span><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;"><strong></strong></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;"><strong>A World Class Prince</strong></span><br /></div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><div align="left"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">"What kind of truck are you interested in?"... asked the stranger at my door last Thursday. I replied that I've got my eye on a 1964 Ford F100 that has 43,800 original miles. I found it on Carsoup.com and it was sitting at a farm in North Dakota. My car had been for sale in my driveway for some time now and on the little sign in the rear window I'd indicated the reason for selling my car was that I wanted to buy a truck. Obviously this stranger had stopped to read my sign. I thought maybe he was going to ask to test-drive my '96 Lincoln Continental but that wasn't the case. He was interested in something else. One, he was going to proceed to tell me about a camper van and a pickup that he wanted me to consider buying. Second, he needed a friend and would turn out to be an unusual character and a world class prince.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">While I wasn't interested in buying anything but the truck I'd found online, I was polite enough to practice my listening skills as this interesting, rather unkempt fellow, began to unfold more than just an opportunity to sell me something. While we stood and visited on my front step, another person interest in my car strolled up to the house with word that he was prepared to buy it then and there. I was anxious to make that happen since I'd been waiting a long time to find a buyer and knew the owner of my future prize pickup wouldn't wait forever for me to buy from him. The kindly older gentlemen sat quietly by as I made it clear to my '96 Lincoln Lotto Winner, that I wasn't interested in shaving off much of my asking price. We agreed to a $50 discount and the deal was done.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Before the older gentlemen left, he introduced himself as Chuck and informed me he would come back another day to strike up our conversation where we left off. This guy was very articulate which didn't match his appearance at all. I really didn't think much of his promise to come back nor did I believe he would. I had made it pretty clear that I had my heart set on this North Dakota truck. At the time I didn't realize it but this world class prince had no intention of fading into the backdrop of my neighborhood landscape. He was back two days later in his beat up old Mustang.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">"JL, would you like to take a ride with me and go look at the truck I was telling you about?" Let's just say Chuck is persistent. "It won't take long and I'll have you back before you know it." I figured it wouldn't hurt to take a ride down to Northeast Minneapolis just in case this other truck was a hidden treasure. We all know somebody who knew someone that answered a newspaper ad for a '59 Chevy only to find when they got there was discovered a mint condition Corvette hidden under an old tarp in a barn. I wasn't going to miss out on my Corvette even if it came in the shape of an old truck.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Well, I couldn't get into the rusty Mustang until Chuck opened my door from the inside. There was no handle on the outside of my door. That was a switch for me. Usually when I'm being lured into a stranger's car, the door knob is missing on the inside and I begin to imagine my mug on the outside of a milk carton. This car was a real piece of junk. As the transmission literally slipped into gear, we backed out of my driveway and pointed Chucks wheels toward the South.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">This is where the story gets interesting. From the time we left my driveway until we returned 40 minutes later, this world class prince never stopped to take a breath as he began to tell me the story of his life. As he chattered a mile-a-minute, my thoughts were, is this what I sound like when I don't know when to shut up? Regardless, it was going to be an interesting ride. The truck we went to see turned out to be more like a Corvair than a Corvette. However, Chuck himself turned out to be a classic old Cadillac.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">In the time it took to travel approximately 8 miles round trip, Chuck, this shabbily dressed rather frumpy old man, told me stories that were as far fetched as I'd ever thought I'd hear. From meeting and being hugged by Oprah to being Burt Lancaster's stunt double, I almost started laughing. "Why me Lord? What have I ever done to deserve this?" Chuck rattled on about the meetings he'd had with the Governor and there was the time he ran for public office in California and, don't let me forget the time he was on Jerry Springer. He had also been a regular on the Starsky &amp; Hutch television series. To top things off, he had been one of the founding financiers in the 1960's for what is known today as Esprit. Supposedly this meant he is worth millions on paper. All of this coming from a man driving a beat up old Mustang and wearing the same clothes he'd worn two days earlier.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I've learned over the years that some people just need a friend and it's not my job to judge them unless I'm considering marrying their sister. We arrived back in my driveway and finished our conversation. Just before I got out, Chuck asked if I'd be a world class prince and loan him $5. Now you know where I got the term, world class prince. He used it on me. I said I'd be glad to give him $5 and he didn't have to worry about paying me back. I kind of felt sorry for him not to mention I considered his stories were worth at least $5.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Because we live in an amazing age of technology, I couldn't wait to get into my house and Google my new buddy. Either he was a great liar or...? I've done it before on other people I've met so I thought I'd try it again.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">After I read three Googled pages full of websites on the accomplishments of Chuck Hollom, I really did start to laugh. Not at him but at myself. Nothing he had said to me had been made up. I'd seen his ID card for his membership in the Screen Actors Guild and an ID for the Vets Hospital where he'd recently been due to a stroke, so I knew he wasn't lying about his name. He told his stories so fast and with such detail that I remember thinking, "either this guy is a really good con artist or maybe some of this stuff is true." Because the stories all seemed so far fetched, I was leaning toward "con artist."</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Why the old beat up Mustang? Why the shabby clothes? Why did he need to borrow money from me? I later told my wife that this man, born in 1941, was probably a lot like me only times ten. He was highly creative as an actor and obviously highly intelligent. He quoted famous people, movie scripts and classic novels as he spoke. Very passionate and smart. His mind never stopped whether it was telling me a story or trying to solve problems of world pollution or world hunger or where I might find another truck.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">All of a sudden I felt a real kindred spirit with this stranger who was only a few years younger than my dad. All of a sudden I saw a man that was probably so brilliant and so talented that he had become worthless. Kinda the way I feel when I'm writing for my blog, or my unfinished book, rather than focusing on making money to buy groceries. That may sound strange to you but let me explain. Although I often don't feel highly intelligent, my test scores shown to me by the psychologist that tested me for ADHD and my IQ supposedly ranks me up there with the upper 2% of the world's population. My creative juices that won't give me a vacation for one minute also rank me up there with other creative crazies. Highly creative types with a high IQ either live with great success or they end up sleeping on the couch of a boyhood friend because they're homeless. That's where Chuck's life is at right now. Rarely do guys like Chuck fall into the dark abyss of mediocrity.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Chuck had been to the top and was now on the bottom. I know what it's like to wake up and look in the mirror and think that my life has unlimited potential then right behind me is the battle to follow through with ideas, manage mundane issues such as finances and try to remember the names of the people I just met five minutes ago. I struggle with feeling much smarter than my life seems to measure up to. I know what it's like to have a brain that won't quit thinking about problem solving for me and my friends or family. I forever have lived with the struggle to pay attention while you tell me about your dreams and wishes. In Chuck I saw how I might end up if I don't continue working on my own struggles. I've learned in the last few years that my success in life is going to be found by me depending on many of my friends when I need sanity.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">When I feel directionless, as I often do, I go see John Murphy because he seems to always help me focus on a direction. When I need to experience stability I visit my friend Gordy Schmitz because to me he has a calming spirit about him that gives me that feeling of stability. When I need a laugh and to feel protected, I call Brad Winters because he's one of the funniest guys I know which is why I steal his jokes for my own act. He also can be trusted and I'd bet he would cut his own arm off before he'd betray my trust. When I need perspective, Dwight Denyes has been there to remind me of some of his experiences that often square me away. When I need encouragement, my brother Tim has never let me down and always believes in me. Bottom line, I've got about 50 other needs in my life that 50 other friends like yourselves help me fulfill, right down to who I play golf with when I want to feel good about my game.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Why did Chuck come by my house to sell me a truck? He probably didn't know it but what he really wanted was another friend. Someone he could tell his story to and in doing so remind himself that his accomplishments outweigh his defeats. Some people such as myself do tend to talk too much but there's usually an underlying reason. Even if I was a bit skeptical of Chuck, for him it was probably very therapeutic to just hear himself speak of his past successes.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Since our ride in his junker, Chuck's been back to my house for one more visit. That time we went for a ride in my "new" old truck to visit a friend of his who runs a muffler shop. Chuck loved my '64 Ford F100 and understood why I was so insistent on getting it. However, he thought the muffler might be bad. I explained the exhaust was all new but we went for the ride anyway. Turns out the truck is loud because it's equipped with high performance glass packs. For $130 I can get a quieted ride if the day ever comes I want one. Chuck and I had a great ride back to my house and again I heard more stories. It wasn't difficult to listen because I felt like I was needed. He was truly a world class prince who just needed to hear his own story out loud. I understood completely.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Oh, one more thing. When I need a friend to keep me company because I'm planning to take an overnight train ride to Fargo to buy an old pickup, I call Dale Hagenson because he's the kind of friend that's always up for an adventure. The train leaves at 11:10 P.M. and arrives in Fargo, $34 and 4 hours later. "Eddie, (nickname for Dale) don't tick off that mean train lady. She's been drinking."</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">MY best to all of you my friends. Keep your friendships alive. We need each other from time to time even if it's just to hear ourselves talk. And Chuck Hollom, if you ever find this blog, just know that I think you're a <em>world class prince</em>.</span> </div><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-114131127661921816?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1141310386992122922006-03-02T08:30:00.000-06:002006-03-02T08:39:46.996-06:00<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/Jess-&-Me-blog-match.2.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/320/Jess-%26-Me-blog-match.2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;"><strong>About being a father.</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>When I hug her, </strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>I hope I remember<br />to let her go.</strong></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Dad’s tell you things you don’t want to hear. They help you grow up by coaching at a distance while you make small mistakes. They stand by your side when those mistakes are too big to carry alone. They stand in front of you when they’re hoping you’ll avoid a wrong turn. More importantly, they are hoping you discover your unlimited potential.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">In her new book, <em>Overcoming Underearning</em>, Barbara Stanny tells her story concerning financial mistakes. Her journey began when a divorce left her with the discovery of a lost fortune and an overwhelming million dollar IRS bill. Barbara is the daughter of Richard Bloch, the founder of H&R Block. Her exhusband had mismanaged her fortune with illegal scams and investments. Now she stood facing a million dollar tax bill and nothing to pay it with.When she went to her father for help and to ask for a loan, her father did something few of us dads would do. He said no. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">How does a father who loves his daughter say no to her when she’s in a crisis? He had at one time told her that she would never have to worry about money because she had a trust fund. He had also said not to worry because a "man" would always take care of her. Now here she was appealing to the only trusted man left in her life and he was seemingly abandoning her.Why was this supposedly loving father reacting this way? Maybe it’s because he knew something about his daughter that she needed to discover for herself. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Without explaining the entire book to you, it is one of the best books I’ve ever read on finances, career changes, and vision. It’s not a "how-to" book as much as it is a "how it could be if you only believed in yourself" book. It’s more the psychology behind our beliefs concerning money.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Barbara explains that she ended up changing her life and taking care of that tax bill on her own. What she learned about herself and money was only secondary to her story, in my opinion. The real gem is hidden in the introduction. After her father refused to help her with the loan, Barbara was furious. However, she also writes, "I realize now that his refusal was the best thing he could’ve done for me."</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">In a round about way, her father’s cliche remark that "a man will take care of you" actually came true. Her dad stood back and realized that his daughter needed to dig deeper into her soul and find her own potential. By not helping her financially, he changed her life for the better. This best selling author of Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money, Secrets of Six Figure Women, and Overcoming Underearning, now has more money than she ever thought possible. And to top it off, she knows what a loving father looks like. He’s the kind of man that learns to let go so daddy’s little girl can find her potential.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Remember guys; you are the only college class your children will attend that teaches them what a father and husband look like. When it comes to our daughters we love to say yes. However, don’t forget the word "no" can also have a positive impact.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-114131038699212292?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1141309750824222942006-03-02T08:20:00.000-06:002006-03-02T08:40:25.750-06:00<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/Ostby-for-blog.1.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/320/Ostby-for-blog.1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong>The Rep & The Reputation</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">So there I am getting ready to tee off on the first hole at Rush Creek, one of Minnesota's finest golf courses. Of the three other gentlemen I've been shuffled in with, only one is a familiar face. The other two are sales reps for the client I was working for. We all know, or at least most of us do, how nerve racking that first tee-box can be. The world is watching and no matter how skillful or awful you are at golf, it's a crap shoot on the first tee.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">My head is down. It's a little windy and cool that day. I'm talking to myself as I usually do. I take my club back and with every neuron in my body I try to keep my eye on that ball until it splats against my club mallet and hopefully dribbles forward. That day I was my average self and at least kept it in play.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">We're not even to the first green and my cart buddy is telling me what it is he does for our mutual client that is hosting this event. I'm listening, as I always attempt to do, while hoping to retain some of the conversation long enough to not appear ignorant when I nod my head or verbalize a response. Ostbye &amp; Anderson are jewelry manufacturers that have been around a long, long time. Since 1920 to be exact. They have a national and international list of clientele and if you've ever had to empty your wallet to buy a diamond ring, necklace, or bracelet, you've probably seen something that came from their company.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Why was I hanging with these folks? I was hired to consult and produce a roll-out campaign for the Mark Michael Collection and the sales rep in my cart was there to get his first introduction to the print collateral and marketing campaign that we'd prepared for this product launch. On top of that, we were getting to spend a breezy afternoon looking for our little white ball and hoping nobody was falling down laughing at our final score.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Now, out of the blue comes information that I did not solicit which is why I'm writing about Ostbye & Anderson today. I've never forgotten the conversation with this sales rep even though it was last summer and my memory often fails me even just trying to find where I parked my car last. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">My cart buddy began to tell me of the reputation that Ostbye &amp; Anderson has in comparison to other companies he represents. What I learned that day was, there would be something even more important to the success of the Mark Michael Jewelry Collection than my clever ads, brochures, commercials, or the individual ring designs. What this manufacturer had was the trust and respect of industry insiders. What this company had was a genuine fan club and I felt like I was meeting it's president. The public doesn't think about it but the Mark Michael Collection wouldn't be available to anyone if those responsible for it's manufacturing weren't trusted and respected.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Have you ever been asked to perform a task for someone you didn't respect or trust? I remember one of my first jobs in high school was to work for the local Volkswagen dealer. I performed new and used car prep and once in awhile I had to go pick up or deliver a car. My boss was a first class jerk. He never handed out compliments nor recognized an "extra mile" effort put forth on my part. He even refused to pay me for an afternoon assignment when he sent me to another city to pick up a vehicle and bring it to the dealership. The guy was a moron. As a result of this guy treating me poorly, I did somethings I shouldn't have just prior to quitting that job. I don't want to admit my childish ways to everybody but lets just say there was going to be a string of new cars sold that had some sort of hidden defect with the rear window defrost. Unfortunately for him, my response didn't help his bottom line or customer service index. I wasn't very nice but neither was he.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">If you're like me, there have been times that you've either earned and deserved respect as a businessman or employee, or there've been times you've totally destroyed it. I've always wanted and striven to earn it. Whether or not I've been very good at it or consistent, I'll probably never know. This client of mine was obviously good at it. People don't usually volunteer extra information when striking up a conversation with a complete stranger but that's what this sales rep was doing with me that day.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">What was the reputation that Ostbye had that other companies didn't? Supposedly, they pay their bills on time. Supposedly, they cut their reps some slack when mistakes are made on the reps part or God forbid one of them is robbed. Reps in the jewelry business do live a dangerous life. In other words, Ostbye & Anderson treats people the way they want to be treated. Isn't that a novel idea? With several thousand clients all over the United States and Europe, in a business that is always changing and very competitive, this behind-the-scenes business has figured out something more important than paying me for a clever ad or brochure. They've invested in "RESPECT." The net result is, they receive trust and loyalty in return.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">My friend, all the marketing in the world, along with the bells and whistles of clever advertising, will not fix a company that people can't respect. It made me feel good to know that there was more to Ostbye &amp; Anderson than just a belief in my consulting and creative work. They actually believed in their people. You don't get far in life just using people. You get far when you believe in them and you show it by respecting them.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">They respected me even though many of you who know me, know it's a crap shoot. My creative brain can be my best friend or my worst nightmare. They paid me on time and they honored my boundaries or lack of them. That doesn't happen very often in my world. I'm presently consulting with another company, Woodmaster Foundations, Inc., that have been just as respectful and trusting.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The next time you're wondering how to increase sales, find new customers, or come up with another clever advertising campaign, maybe you'd be wiser to first address the issues of your reputation. Nothing beats a great fan club. Everything after that is a bonus.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">My best to all.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-114130975082422294?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1130866915601510132005-11-01T10:36:00.000-06:002005-12-24T21:52:00.360-06:00<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/1600/control_freak.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/2012/901/200/control_freak.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Have you ever witnessed a slap to the face or a shove against a wall? The concept of abuse is often seen as physical and dangerous. Over the years I've only had one acquaintance that I knew to be physically abusive. The acquaintance is now in my category of a "dissolved friendship." This may surprise some of you but the abuser is also a women. While her husband was perfectly capable of stopping her from hitting him, he often times simply became her target and waited out her emotional outbursts. I never did figure out why he didn't retaliate. I do believe I may have figured out part of her problem.<br /><br />I like to read books about the study of human nature and psychology. I read somewhere that some people have a pattern of instigating fights within a relationship, not because there's something to fight about, but because they are needing emotional reassurance. Sound crazy?<br /><br />In the case of my friend, she claimed she grew up in a verbally abusive home. The pattern she now has was probably learned from childhood. That's where most of us have gotten screwed up, if in fact we are screwed up. Anyway, I believe her unprovoked outbursts were actually her way of initiating a dose of affirmation. Now you do think I'm crazy. The pattern plays out like this. She would go off like a rocket about stuff that was usually benign to a normal person. Then she'd wait for the response from her spouse. Usually he simply put up with it while trying to walk away. Only twice did he come to my house to spend the night.<br /><br />The deal is, nothing happened. That's the affirmation part. If I yell and scream and holler and threaten and blame and rant and rave and yet you don't throw me out, then you must still love me. Weird huh? Yet it's a theory of psychological studies that some people are this way. They constantly create storms for themselves and if nobody stops them or kicks them out or disciplines them, their twisted belief is, "I'm still loved because you didn't get rid of me even though I really deserve it."<br /><br />It's basically the story of a child. No matter how many times they mess their pants or spill their milk, we clean them up and continue to tell them we love them. In normal situations however, we also teach our children how to grow beyond making the messes. In the case of my friend, somebody forgot to tell her to stop making these emotional messes. She's still a child inside and is living in a "stuck" mindset. I've seen her scream and yell at her poor husband about absolute nonsense. In fact I've witnessed screaming tantrums that had no real opportunity for a solution other than let her one-sided ragefest burn itself out. She's like the kid who learns that negative attention is better than no attention at all.<br /><br />I believe that's probably the real issue. Her father, who she claims was verbally abusive, probably only communicated to his children when things were a mess. He probably hadn't learned to provide a balance of loving affirmation and acceptance for his children. Therefore, they grew up with a learned behavior. Being verbally abusive is how you tell someone you love them and that you care. It sounds like this. "My dad yelled at me but still allowed me to live in the house. I was told I was worthless and yet I wasn't thrown out with the trash." Hmmm. Can you see how twisted some people's logic can become? Be careful how you treat your children.<br /><br />This thought of verbal abuse hit me late into the night as I was sound asleep and I felt compelled to get up this morning and journal about it. The last thing I want to be called is an abuser and yet I'm sure there are times my words have qualified me for the title. If you're honest, I'm sure you'd agree you could say the same thing. Just as I did last night, we all need to wake up and consider the impact of some of our personality traits and how they may have been just as abusive as a slap to the face. In fact, verbal abuse is the worst kind of emotional abuse and is just as likely to damage a life forever as a slap to the head.<br /><br />How about this kind of abuse? Have you ever seen or known a control freak? This person needs to create safety and security in their life and they usually do so by demanding they be in control. I did that for many years until a close friend mirrored for me the abuse I was inflicting on my wife.<br /><br />Have you ever had a spouse or friend, that struggled with an addiction, blame you or others as the cause for their problems? Or worse yet, they can't admit they are an addict. The addict has done the same as the control freak. They've found a behavior that meets their need for love, affirmation, security, belonging, or power. Even a "neat freak" is an addict. They are somehow locked into a pattern of thinking that has them believing the world can't possibly survive with some chaos.<br /><br />What is addiction? Here's the definition I've been mulling over in my skull. An addiction is any behavior that becomes an automatic response to escaping emotional pain or the belief that you're defective. It is any behavior that alters your perception without actually changing reality.<br /><br />Okay, back to "neat freaks." I have another friend who is just that. She was at one time my neighbor and would often tease me about my lack of ability to finish my projects around the house. On the other hand, I'd tease her about her lack of ability to "live" in her house. The pattern for her was that she could never have a clean enough house. Her daughter was best friends with my daughter and one day while the two fo them were on the phone, my neighbor's daughter started laughing and relaying to my daughter that her mom had just walked in the door and without taking her coat off or laying down her purse, was already vacuuming the living room carpet.<br /><br />What makes us crazy like this? Pain. Painful abusive experiences from the history files in our lives. After many years of teasing one another, the day came when I finally was given a glimpse into my neighbors real story. She confided in my about an experience that forever changed her life. As a young teenager, she had been raped. As I remember it, it was by more than one person. What does that abuse do to you? It communicates some very negative "self talk" and lies. I can only imagine, from that day on, she started to believe she was defective.<br /><br />My guess is she went on to play a broken record over and over in her mind. The message went like this. "You should have been more careful. You were out of control. You could have avoided this if you'd been in control. You were powerless and yet if you'd been in control of your life you'd have avoided this. You are now defective and dirty. The whole world sees you as dirty. The whole world sees you as out of control and powerless."<br /><br />These types of messages on that broken record continually scrape at the scab and human nature drives us to find a cure for the pain. You want a healing salve that will cover up the sore and you want a way to bandage it so other's don't see how ugly it looks. Somewhere my neighbor learned that being a neat freak was her prescription for being lovable. If she appeared to have everything in her external world in order and clean, then maybe you wouldn't see how dirty and out of control or powerless she was on the inside. This behavior got so bad that her daughter would sometimes change into my daughter's clothes during their play time just so she could return home with her clothes clean and thus not get in trouble.<br /><br />How does our behavior affect children when they grow up? How does our pain affect the beliefs of our kids? The message is... "here's what being lovable requires." It's a message of performance-based acceptance. Your house is not a home, it's a museum to the pain you once experienced and we all must live like this so we too can be lovable and pain-free. The problem is, nobody knows you were raped. Nobody knows you are dirty. In fact, we all think you are lovable just the way you are. The fact is, you weren't out of control when you were raped. Nobody should have to worry about being out of control. The truth is, those who raped you were out of control and they are the ones who should be experiencing some level of "broken record messages" that are reminding them of what they did. The abuse from the rapist became abuse from the victim and tomorrow, maybe her daughter will be abusive. Although not physically, emotionally trapping those around her in an addictive pattern of thinking. The kind of thinking that says... "a behavior will medicate our wounds."<br /><br />Here's another example of abuse. Have you ever known someone that can't converse without telling you how much money they have or success they're experiencing? You know by the near mention of their name that you'll be hearing about the latest and greatest in success stories. Are these people as bad as the addict or the physical abuser? I'd contend they are. It's a simple "all about me" attitude they have that leaves your relationship with them shallow and unfulfilling. They too communicate a message of performance- based acceptance.<br /><br />I've got another friend that always converses in these terms. No matter how bleak the outlook, he's succeeding. Now I've got nothing against being positive and optimistic, however, if your optimism blinds you from reality, eventually you'll be very unsuccessful. I don't know if his optimism is an attempt to appear and sound successful because in his eyes he isn't or if it's his belief that only successful people are lovable. I'm not sure. I do know that at one time he was an alcoholic and years ago he was set free from that addiction. I also know that most addictions or addictive patterns of thinking don't leave our history files just because a bad behavior has. I wonder if the pursuit of success has replaced his pursuit of the bottle. If he's not careful, he too will be communicating that performance-based acceptance is the message of love. I also know that over emphasizing the optimism can cloud reality and eventually, you're books aren't balancing, you owe taxes, and your cover is about to be blown.<br /><br />Of course you're saying... "what's wrong with all of this?" Again, most of these things aren't bad unless the behavior is a bandage for your bondage to wrong beliefs and it has become overkill. Some people drink because they think they're more lovable when they can loosen up. Some people want more success because they think they're more lovable when their wallet is full. Guess what? What if we love you without your booze and without your money? I've yet to meet a wife who constantly tells her husband to go get drunk so he can come home and be lovable. Whether the behavior is positive or negative, they all have the propensity to screw up our lives if they are being used as salve for an emotional wound.<br /><br />How about the lady who is constantly talking about her kids and what perfect little angels they are? You and I both know they're more like demons but to this lady it's not possible. They can say only good things about the little rug rats and are seldom if ever seen correcting or disciplining them. Would you say this person has a problem? You might if you stop to think that the constant spotlight on the kids may be a tool for mom (or dad) to bolster self esteem. She can't see herself being lovable or good without pointing out an external source for grading her. It's called "codependent." When you can't see yourself valuable or lovable without the use of others who are connected to you, you are codependent. What if we love you without ever meeting your children? You say that isn't possible? Hmmmm.<br /><br />Now, the thought that woke me up last night is this. Is it possible that any or all of these people are abusers? The answer is yes. No you say? Well, look at it this way.<br /><br />Emotional abuse is just as, if not more, damaging than physical abuse. When looking at these behaviors that I've mentioned we have to ask ourselves how the behavior affects the people around us when it comes to others needs being met. What messages are our children, spouses or even neighbors receiving about the definition of what "lovable" means? If you have not worked on your own history files and unraveled the lies they may have caused you to believe you are defective, you are essentially passing on the same abuse you yourself received. It may appear in different clothes but the body underneath is identical. This is how families with divorce produce children who experience divorce. This is how alcoholics produce children who become alcoholics. The abuse isn't always in the behavior because behaviors can change. The abuse is in the passing on of a false belief of what "lovable" looks like.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">How do you sort it all out?</span></strong></div><br />Here are just a couple of examples of how sorting out whether or not you are abusing those around you. I could write forever on examples because there are a bazillion behaviors we can adopt in an attempt to cure our pain. I'll only write a couple because the truth is, I've got to go out and finish preparing for winter before the snow flies here in Minnesota.<br /><br /><br /><strong>I believe your four basic emotional needs are to...<br /></strong><br />A. Know and feel <strong>loved </strong><br />B. Know and feel <strong>secure</strong><br />C. Know and feel a sense of <strong>belonging</strong><br />D. Know and feel <strong>power</strong> to protect yourself and to control your destiny.<br /><br />In light of these four basic emotional needs, the next step is to filter the affects any and all of our behaviors might have on them.<br /><br /><strong>Abuse of the drug addict:</strong> If the addict doesn't decide to make a change in their life and overcome their addiction they are in essence saying to those close to them, I'm going to screw up your four basic needs as well. My life will be all about abusing you even though I'm the one taking drugs.<br /><br />Here's what the addict is ultimately saying.<br /><br /><strong><em>Love:</em></strong> "My addiction is what I love more than you. <strong><em>Security:</em></strong> My addiction offers security for me but insecurity for you therefore you may never know what security looks like. <strong><em>Belonging:</em></strong> I'm defective and unlovable and don't belong so my addiction is how I escape that painful feeling. However, because I'm an addict, you are forced to be the friend of a disfunctional personality and thus your sense of belonging is now abnormal which may eventually cause you to feel defective. I don't care though because it's only my pain that matters. You'll probably never know what it feels like to "belong" in a normal family because of the chaos my addiction causes. <strong><em>Power:</em></strong> I am an addict and powerless to overcome. As a result of that belief, I'm also causing those around me to be powerless to my addiction. They won't be empowered to protect themselves nor to control their destiny as long as I'm an addict and continue interrupting their lives both emotionally and physically. So what if they have a broken heart. They are powerless to fix me and I'm the one who keeps them feeling powerless.<br /><br /><strong>The Control Freak:</strong> If the control freak doesn't decide to make a change in their life and overcome their tendency to be overbearing and over controlling, they are in essence saying to those close to them that their needs don't matter.<br /><br /><strong><em>Love:</em></strong> My control is what I need in order to feel loved. However, this control freak nature of mine may also communicate to others that they are not lovable unless they are willing to be controlled. The control freak communicates tremendous <em>conditional love and acceptance</em>. Only people who can be manipulated are lovable. <strong>Security:</strong> The friends and family of a control freak have no personal security. They are brainwashed to believe the control freak is necessary to their existence because the control freak takes on the entire burden for providing security rather than teaching or imparting that their family members have the ability to provide their own security. I have another friend who doesn't allow family members to meet or be left alone with appliance repairmen because without the control freak there, security is an issue. His family isn't taught to be cautious but rather paranoid and dependent on someone else to fend for them. There is no security for his wife when she came home one day and found her control freak had put the house up for sale without asking her. I'm sure she lives every day, as my wife once did, with the insecurity that they may be getting a new car, taking a trip, buying furniture, completely renovating the house and all without the wife's input. That's a lot of insecurity.<br /><strong>Belonging:</strong> The family members of the control freak soon learn that nothing belongs that hasn't been decided by the control freak. This even offers subliminal messages of whether or not they even belong period. After all, control freaks by their nature believe they have to be in control so things can be perfect. However, because the control freak is all about "what's perfect," the rest of the family members soon realize they aren't. If they were, they'd get to make some decisions and they'd get to be in control. I used to choose my wife's employment, hair style, clothes, etc. I needed to feel that she was another one of my accomplishment and the only way to do that was to control her. Hmmmm. <strong>Power:</strong> Control Freaks have robbed all family members of power to protect themselves and to control their destiny. No child or spouse will live with the freedom of making a decision without the fear of what the control freak is going to do or say. The dress may be going back to the store. The wallpaper order may be cancelled. The spouse may be powerless to choose a job or career unless the control freak gives the okay. Family members of control freaks become experts at manipulation only because they have to in order to survive. They do things behind the control freaks back knowing how they'll have to do their dance once discovered. It's a sad game and all very unnecessary.<br /><br />My control freak friend grew up somewhat like me which meant a childhood of being made fun of and/or picked on constantly. Those are experiencing that create a "victim mentality." You grow up believing you're defective because normal kids aren't made fun of. The first thing a victim will choose to do is find their power to control their destiny. Power is the answer to being victimized. My power, my friend's power, became the role of a control freak. I eventually dealt with it and 15 years later, I'm no longer feeling the need to control anybody. However, I hadn't worked on the pain enough and went on to other addictions. I eventually figured out it's not the behavior but my beliefs. My friend, well let's just say he's in for a rude awakening someday.<br /><br />The above examples are just to show you how you might examine your own life and behaviors. The truth is, any behavior can eventually be out of balance and cause emotional abuse to those around us. All because we have emotional pain that needs healing.<br /><br /><strong>How do you rid yourself of being an emotional abuser?<br /></strong><br />1. <strong><em>Get over yourself.</em></strong> You're not God and you can't fix a broken heart or broken history. If you've got something in your history file that won't let go of you, get some help so you can learn how to release those chains. You can't do this alone. Tell your spouse, your family, your friends, that you're ready to humble yourself and get help.<br /><br />2. <strong><em>Ask for forgiveness.</em></strong> By asking those you truly love to forgive you for being abusive, you are also admitting that you have been. You are making a step toward involving others in your journey as you escape the "only I can fix this" mentality. Start learning to open yourself up. Some people won't be of any help and may even hurt you further but those that are real friends and really love you, will start the journey with you.<br /><br />3. <strong><em>Start speaking truth:</em></strong> For too many years you've been governed by lies. You need to look in the mirror and begin each day with some positive "self talk." Even God believes in "self talk." The Bible says, "let the weak say I am strong." That's a great message to repeat to yourself every day. Look in the mirror and start proclaiming the truth to the lies. You truly have been wonderfully and fearfully created in God's image.<br /><br />4. <strong><em>Get professional help and support:</em></strong> Drunks need AA. Drug addicts need treatment and counseling. Rage-a-holics need therapy. The list goes on and it's serious stuff. Many of us have to overcome the lies in an effort to simply change one belief and it will require outside help.<br /><br />5. <strong><em>Start believing:</em></strong> You are not defective. You are lovable. You can feel secure. You do belong. You have the power to protect yourself and to control your destiny. Your house can survive a little chaos. Your kids can make mistakes - maybe even achieve a C or D on the report card.<br /><br />6. <strong><em>Bring others on your journey:</em></strong> Stop the self-centered thinking and begin helping others as well. You don't have to be completely well to stop others from drinking whatever it was that made you sick. Begin immediately providing love and support to another person in trouble. Give and it shall be given to you.<br /><br />7. <strong>Start today:</strong> I'm going to go outside now and finish cleaning up the leaves so when spring comes, I don't have to say, "I wish I'd have done what I was supposed to have done last fall." Getter done....... TODAY!<div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-113086691560151013?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1126275191504152092005-09-09T07:31:00.000-05:002006-03-19T08:34:58.790-06:00Over the last few days I've had it up to my receding hairline with broadcast media. On the one hand, they were actually helpful in exposing the ineptness of local, state and federal government during the New Orleans hurricane. On the other hand, they (the reporters) love to magnify every little flea found bouncing on the backs of every mange cat.<br /><br />What really has me bugged is the transition from being a news reporter to becoming a news predictor. It's been these predictions or assumptions that have created the fleas much less magnify them. When reporters insist on making predictions or assumptions, they then begin playing a part in creating more news rather than possibly allowing life to take it's natural course.<br /><br />A perfect example of this takes me back to the presidential election that was contested and decided by the polls in the great state of Florida. Had the broadcast media simply stuck to reporting rather than predicting, we may not have had to spend the next two years watching one-hour specials on how faulty our voting system is in America. I think I'd rather have seen one-hour specials on how narcissistic our news personalities have become.<br /><br />When the only thing that matters is whether or not you've got the first scoop - as often heard by reporters who say, "I believe we were the first to predict the outcome of this", then we've gone far past the original purpose of news reporting and become star gazing gypsies sitting around a crystal ball.<br /><br />I remember when reporters said it would be a hundred years before Yellowstone National Park would recover from the devastating fire of 1988 which burned 1.6 million acres. It wasn't so. Today, you can drive through many of those areas and not even know they were destroyed by the fire. In fact, it is a forest that was cleansed by the fire. God's way of taking care of His earth.<br /><br />The purveyors of predictions rather than news thought the Mall of America would never succeed. We're too far north here in Minneapolis, MN. Not a large enough market to support the country's largest indoor amusement park and shopping mall. Today, the Mall of America has more visitors annually than Disney World, the Grand Canyon, and Graceland combined. On average, a 747 jet full of foreigners lands in Minneapolis on a daily basis with the specific goal of shopping til they drop. With over 500 stores and floor space that would fill 78 football fields, they'll drop before they know it. Soon the expansion of the mall will make the original size seem small.<br /><br />Over the last week, our beloved news networks of blathering ninnies have done well to further damage the people of New Orleans. What the storm couldn't do physically, the reporters have managed to do psychologically. It's bad enough people's homes, neighborhoods and cities were destroyed but now we have footage of black kids wading chest high in water carrying bags and a reporter assuming or predicting that these kids are looting a grocery store while another network broadcasts a shot of a white couple looking for food to survive on. Neither reporter had actually gotten out of their helicopter to question people or to actually witness where the food came from. And why were the black kids looters and the white couple were simply survivors? Why would reporters unleash their own hurricane of harassment on a city that was still looking for survivors? I believe they begin to do more damage when they don't stop themselves from whipping out their crystal balls.<br /><br />It appears to me that news rooms across the country are full of stand-up meetings around a stale pot of day old coffee where the dialogue goes something like this. "We need to find someone whose views are critical of blah blah blah." Or, "Where can we find an expert at the local university who will substantiate these suppositions?" I wouldn't say this if I didn't know it to be true. It's making the news rather than reporting it and allowing the public to draw their own conclusions.<br /><br />A week ago they did well to report the price of gas accurately selling for $3-$6 a gallon across the country. However, they then had to "go find" an expert to predict. Every network without exception was boldly proclaiming they could predict gas prices will NOT be going down anytime soon and we could expect $4 a gallon very soon. For the last four days, I've driven by gas stations with prices staying at $2.79 a gallon and it's probably going to go down more. However, be it far from me to be an "expert" on predictions.<br /><br />It used to be that news was researched and then reported. Now, in the age of 24-hour coverage, we've transitioned to becoming a part of the research process. In an effort to fill time, we are bored beyond tears while being expected to watch every reporter flying around the United States and the world interviewing people with predictions. The problem with that is, I don't want to be a part of the research, I just want the facts after you've collected them. I don't want to see little miss "short skirt and lipstick" holding a microphone and asking her stupid questions. If I want to listen to stupid questions I'll watch the Washington press Corp on CSPAN. I simply don't believe the majority of Americans want to spend a half hour of their time watching "how" the media did their research or collected their "expert opinions." If you want a great example of what a news report should consist of, watch <em>The Newshour with Jim Lehrer</em> on PBS. There's a reason that show consistently wins awards.<br /><br />In conclusion of this rambling jabberwocky, I have a suggestion for our news media. If I could change them forever, I'd insist every one of them intern for one year in North Korea, Cuba, or China. To spend one year in a communist run country where news is truly restricted to a national opinion, I believe would forever change their approach to reporting. I believe reporters would be very different when they came back to the United States in that they'd be much less careless in reporting and much more respectful with the use of the precious gift of <em>freedom of speech</em>. Hopefully they'd stop harassing us with doom and gloom suppositions or predictions of high gas prices, destroyed forests and colossal shopping malls. Maybe they'd start producing solid truthful information that we used to call news. Maybe they'd keep us from having to endure their research so we could atually get some news.<div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-112627519150415209?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1118161843284635852005-06-07T11:17:00.000-05:002006-05-19T12:09:01.546-05:00"The most precious treasures we have in life are the images we store in the memory banks of our brain. They can also contain some of the most painful. The sum of these stored experiences is responsible for our sense of personal identity and our sense of connectedness to those around us."<br /><br />Memories can breed greater success but can also sabotage our chances for success and healthy relationships. When considering the idea of what "forgiveness" involves, I've decided on two things. One is my ability to try and define what forgiveness means to me and the other is to discover how it works.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><strong>Forgiveness is...</strong></div><div align="left"><br />First, my definition: <strong><em>Forgiveness is the willingness to set aside an offense in an effort to prevent that offense from destroying a relationship that has been meaningful.</em></strong> It does not require forgetting because that's impossible. It simply means that in spite of a betrayal of trust or an insensitivity to my feelings, I'm not willing to anchor my life to that memory or dissapointment. I refuse to hold on to the negative energy that corrupts my ability to move forward in life. I must be willing to practice grace and mercy and strive to restore my connectedness and love that authored the relationship originally.<br /></div><div align="center"><br /><strong>What does "offense" mean?</strong> </div><br />I believe I can feel offended more so by choice than anything. Feeling offended can sometimes be as simple as hearing a comment that threatens my sense of belonging. As an example the following question is usually offensive and communicates you don't belong to what's percieved as normal. ("So, have you always been this fat?") It's a sudden discovery that the whole world doesn't believe as I do therefore whatever you say that's contradictory to me seems hurtful. Nobody wants to think of themselves as "out of sync" with the beliefs of others. However, that type of offense I believe is simply a choice. I can choose to let your words or beliefs bother me. If I do, then responding with - "You've offended me" simply becomes a way for me to try and protect myself.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><strong>The offense of betrayal</strong></div><div align="center"><strong><br /></div></strong>Another experience that may define "offense" includes betrayal. We all have basic emotional needs that are common to everyone. If someone who we trusted to provide one or more of those needs suddenly is discovered to have actually done just the opposite, that experience can be defined as an ultimate offense. We all need to depend on someone for love, security, belonging, and power to protect ourselves and control our destiny. Those needs are what bring two people together for friendship or marriage. It's what a normal relationship consists of. However, if and when you discover that someone you've trusted and depended on for meeting one or more of your needs has failed you, it has the potential to become catastrophic to the relationship. Then the question becomes, can I accept how or why this offense took place. Was I being taken advantage of? Did I do something to deserve this or contribute to this? Was the betrayal a well layed plan or an opportunisitic event?<br /><br /><br /><br /></strong></strong><div align="center"><strong>Why many marital betrayals take place</strong></div><br />I believe that many betrayals of marriage vows take place for reasons most of us miss. Men or women many times aren't unfaithful because they don't love their spouse. I believe many times it's because they don't love themselves or aren't getting one or more of the four basic needs met. As a result, they are continuely searching to fill the void that self-love and having their needs met would otherwise fill. In other words, they have crappy self-esteem or are experiencing a deficite of necassary "needs" met thus they to seek outside affairs to medicate inside emptiness.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><strong>The common link.</strong></div><div align="left"><br />What happens when a wife or husband is discovered to have begun an affair? The devastation of broken trust when it comes to our dependency for getting our needs met is almost unrestorable. Very few marriages survive the discovery of an affair. The link between having our needs met and the person we've depended on for it, is trust. I fall in love with the person I believe I can trust to look out for my needs and vice versa. When the common link is broken, it almost always is broken forever. The reason? "Memory." Our inabililty to override a painful memory is what anchors us to seldom being able to restore trust. Trust &amp; Forgivenss can really suck if or when they are lost.<br /></div><div align="center"><br /><strong>Those who stay together and those who don't.<br /></strong><br /></div><div align="left">I have two theories on why some spouses split and why some don't. My first is related to the spouse that was betrayed. I believe the healthier their self-esteem is, the less likely they are to abandandon the relationship. Here's why. Low self-esteem is more simply defined for me as someone who believes they are defective. The greater the degree of their belief, the more likely they are to leave or split up. Why? Because they quickly connect the dots to every experience they have in life and pour it through their "I'm defective" filter. They say, "If my spouse cheated on me, that must mean I'm even more defective than I first thought. After all, if I wasn't defective, they wouldn't have cheated. " So, what do you do when you've propped up your low self-image with a spouse that originally made you feel good about yourself? You get as far away from them as possible because it's your belief that the rest of the world will pronounce more judgement on just how defective you really are. You believe that your friends and family will think you are defective because you made a poor decision when choosing a spouse and an even worse choice if you decide to keep them.<br /><br />Another factor for some people staying or leaving is dependant on the family dynamics they grew up in. Children that lived through their parents divorce are far more likely to experience their own divorce someday. Why? Because they learned from their parents that there's only one way to resolve devastating marital circumstances. If both spouses grew up in households that kept the marriage together, they are more likely to keep their marriage intact. We grow up to... "do what we know."<br /><br />The last factor I believe is related to religious conviction and/or societal norms. There is great pressure in many religions and cultures that influence whether or not you will remain in a marriage that has experienced infidelity, discord, or even abuse.<br /><br /></div><div align="center"><strong>How does forgiveness really work?</strong></div><br />To forgive or set aside any offense of any magnitude becomes more than just logic or decision making. Forgiving someone you've developed a meaningful relationship with requires going back to a word most of us struggle with. Commitment. I coined the following phrase once and it's a constant reminder to my wife and I on how we've decided to survive through tough times. <strong><em>"Falling in love may get you married but it takes commitment to keep falling."<br /></em></strong><br />My commitment is to do whatever I have to in order to learn everything I can about being in love. If I fail through betrayal, the words "I forgive you" are helpful but the actions are found in the word "commitment." I want my wife to trust me although some of my behaviors have destroyed much of that. That's something everybody lives with as a result of the loss of trust. It doesn't mean you have to feel hopeless though. Commitment keeps us both in a learning process instead of in final position. I want my wife to feel that I will be there, not as a fraud, but actually be there to meet all of her basic needs. I want her to know that I'm not intentionally trying to be selfish and that I'm willing to accept correction and encouragement from her. I want to hold no grudges and carry no unforgiviness because I would want that from her.<br /><br /><div align="center"><strong>The Battle</strong><br /></div><div align="left"><br />The battle to forgive is not in the act of forgiveness as much as it is in the actions that follow. From the moment a betrayal is discovered, the offending party will immediately and forever be transformed into something they don't want to be. Have you ever accidently burned yourself on a hot stove? How many times after that experience did you repeat that painful lesson? Nearly all of us would say zero. Once burned the lesson is learned. You will forever see the stove and remember that it has the potential to harm you. That is exactly the outcome of marital betrayal. The offending party has emotionally burned their spouse and will now and forever be seen as a hot stove. The offender will hate the fact that they morphed into a stove but all is not lost. The offended spouse will always know that you have in the past hurt them and have the potential in the future to repeat it. But the future for that marriage can be salvaged if you can live with the new rules. Remember, the offended party didn't change the rules, the offender did.<br /><br />Because the rules have to change, this is why many spouses experiencing betrayal simply want to leave. They married someone where trust was common to all relationships. Now, the rules have changed and if they stay together, they will be in a very small minority. Who in their right mind wants to remain close to a potential hazard? It is natural for us to avoid both physical and emotional pain. However, I now have this question to pose. Remember the time you burned yourself on the kitchen stove? Afterwards, did you get rid of the stove or did you think to yourself you simply need to be more careful? I've never met a person who threw the stove out. They simply learned to adapt or change the rules.<br /><br />The relationship you both had before one of you became a hot stove was probably a good one. The only issue is, how did this burn come about? Was it intentional or opportunistic? Do both of you or just one of you need to go back and review just how meeting each other's four basic needs was being incorporated? If he doesn't feel loved because she doesn't initiate sex once and awhile, seems to me there's a pretty easy solution there. If she doesn't feel secure because he keeps drinking, seems AA might save that relationship. If he doesn't feel like he belongs because she is continuelly critical, that doesn't sound like it would be too difficult to change.<br /><br />My attitude about marriage is this. Marriage and relationships can be the most difficult of life's experiences. I've never met a couple that said marriage was easy. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is not.<br /><br />I don't like being the offender and I surely don't enjoy feeling offended. The same holds true for bitterness or unforgiveness. You may be angry, bitter or unforgiving to whom ever you believe deserves it. I can't change you, I can only change me. Therefore, I choose to not allow any offense toward me, whether intentional, deserved or otherwise, to get in the way of any relationship that at one time may have been very meaningful. I choose to forgive and accept that there may be pain that comes with it as well.<br /><br /><br /></div><div align="center"><strong><em>"Be very careful how much forgiveness, mercy, and grace you withhold </em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>from those who hurt you. It may become the standard for </em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>your consequences when it's your turn to fall."</em></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><em>JLglass</em></strong></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-111816184328463585?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1116733879557024302005-05-21T21:16:00.000-05:002005-05-21T22:57:45.193-05:00It's a cloudy day in Minneapolis, MN. I've had it up to my eyebrows with dreary days so the fact that I'm headed to the airport for a trip to the west coast is a welcome change. However, 3 1/2 hours later I land in Seattle, Washington and within twenty minutes I'm turning on the wiper blades of my Budget rent-a-car. Out of the frying pan and into the rain. What a drag.<br /><br />Of all the things that life throws at me, cloudy or rainy days are one thing that I really struggle with. Especially if there's too many in a row. I've come to realize it's more physiological than anything. I've discovered that some people actually suffer from chemical changes in their brain when subjected to an extended period of cloudy days. For me, the sun is more than a day brightener.<br /><br />Well, the trip to Washington state wasn't a total loss. I drove to Olympia and checked into my hotel. The next day I met some really great people that I delivered two speeches to. I also saw a lot of trees and a few distant mountains. Most of all, I met people.<br /><br />Before you think it strange of my remark about meeting people, let me explain. I made it a point to meet more people than I usually would. Although the trip only lasted 24 hours, I enjoyed a conversation with the girl that sold me a watch band and I learned her boyfriend is from Winnona, Minnesota. The boyfriend's father is a college professor. I talked to Dave at the cellular phone kiosk while he and I googled info for a battery I was needing. I learned that the young girl behind the counter at my hotel was going to deliver her baby in July and that she was feeling more than ready for that day to come. I visited with passengers that I sat with on the airplane. One guy owns two insurance agencies. Another guy was traveling with his wife while she attended a conference. He's from Duluth and has been an accountant for 25 years.<br /><br />What's my point? The point is, I'm learning to focus on other people. Sound stupid to you? After all, I travel all over the United States meeting with thousands of people as I speak for their conferences and conventions. You'd think the last thing I need to learn is to focus on others.<br /><br />The fact is, while I'm comfortable standing in front of thousands, I'm usually uncomfortable speaking one-on-one. To speak to an audience doesn't necessarily require that I focus on any one person. However, if you put me in a room with just one person, I'll be looking to escape within minutes. I'm the guy that is looking past your ears while you're telling me about yourself. My eyes want to roam anywhere but into yours. It's a lot of work keeping my attention. Especially when you live with a brain that craves constant stimulation.<br /><br />My 737 has landed and I'm back to my favorite city. As I get ready to deplane, I remind the little boy sitting behind me to drink his bath water every day if he's planning on growing to be as tall as me. I say goodbye to the accountant and his wife and I head to the baggage claim. By the way, the accountant and his wife are staying the night in St. Paul before heading back to Duluth.<br /><br />At 10 P.M. it's too dark to observe whether or not it's still cloudy. All I know is, I've got a much better attitude about life regardless of the fact that I've gone nearly 10 days now without seeing much sunshine. Actually, I'm thinking the people I met have given me a few rays of hope...and those rays are becoming my new day brightener.<br /><br />If you're like me... take some time today and make freinds with a total stranger. Jump outside your "center-of-attention" mindset and put a little one-on-0ne sunshine in your life.<div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-111673387955702430?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1116427608898074482005-05-18T09:25:00.000-05:002005-05-18T09:46:48.903-05:00Okay, so I'm watching one of my favorite shows last night..Becker. Here's a guy that reminds me of me. The premise of the show revolves around a doctor who is self absorbed. Hmmm...<br /><br />I connect with Dr. Becker on every level. He has no time for tact. He enjoys being by himself yet wants company. He can't figure out why people don't "get him." He feels you should be able to speak your mind and move on without regard for feelings. He's just into the facts which is what you need to be a good doctor I suppose.<br /><br />For a doctor, all of that works. For a man seeking to connect with a world of friends, children, a spouse or even strangers, there's something missing. Miss Barb keeps reminding me of me which is what I'm not missing. She'd like to see less of me when she's talking to me... if you know what I'm saying. My baby sister has a great little comeback that she uses to get a giggle out of someone. "Enough about me, now you talk about me." That cracks me up but only because I know exactly what she's saying.<br /><br />Like Becker, I struggle with focusing on others and their feelings. I need to force myself to slow down and look people in the eyes. I have to make it a point to use my eyes, ears and empathy. It's not helpful to ignore the very thing that you crave and that is, others. However, that's my journey. ADHD hasn't helped either. It's one of the primary reasons I can't focus. In fact, people who suffer with ADD or ADHD find that the more effort they put into trying to focus, the more their prefrontal cortex shuts down. The PFC is where your complete library for focusing and organizing thoughts exists. Mine has too many library books that haven't been returned.<br /><br />This last assignment from Miss Barb the Beloved Therapist... "JL, take time to listen to your wife. Get into her world. Let her tell you about her day without you trying to fix it." Apparently, according to Barb, I'm not God. This is very disappointing. I was almost sure I was.<br /><br />Like a lot of us thick headed male types, focusing on the feelings of others can really be difficult. It's like the guy who told his wife after they got married... "I love you and if that changes I'll let you know." He never said it again.<br /><br />Well, bottom line over the past few weeks, I've made a conscious effort to make eye contact, listen and be empathic with my precious bride of 25 years. It's actually more difficult than I realized but it's working. I'm shutting my mouth and volunteering zero information on how to fix her world. In fact, I'm realizing the world she really needs fixing has my name on the mail box. If she wants my input into fixing anything... it should be Me working on fixing ME.<br /><br />Well, another $115/hr well spent with Miss Barb. Thanks Barb and I'll see you the first Tuesday of next month.<br /><br />signed.... Mr. NutJob<div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-111642760889807448?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1115696121677626222005-05-09T22:08:00.000-05:002005-05-09T22:35:21.693-05:00How many times have I cleaned out my garage over the 18 years I've lived here? Too many times. I'm convinced <em>junk bunnies</em> are mating in my garage. Every time I open the door, there's a Dodge Dakota truckload of stuff I've never seen before.<br /><br />Life is full of repetition isn't it. We clean the garage every spring. Dishes get dirty every day. My kids need money from me just about every other day. My wife has to remind me I'm in charge...every day. Okay, that last one isn't true.<br /><br />They say that 99% of what you did today was fairly predictable. We get up at the same time. We go through our rituals in the shower and in front of the sink. We grab a cup of coffee and drive the same car down the same road to the same job. Everyday.<br /><br />So when are you going to start doing something interesting? How about make a point to find an alternate route home from work at least once a week. Maybe get a new hair cut since the last time you changed styles you were in high school. Get a subscription to a new magazine. Rent a DVD. Go next door and introduce yourself to a neighbor.<br /><br />If life is too full of the same old garbage in your garage, it's nobody's fault but your own. I say you need to sleep on the opposite side of the bed tonight and then get up and start your first unpredictable day - tomorrow. And do it before the <em>junk bunnies</em> go into heat.<div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-111569612167762622?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1115262328607928012005-05-04T21:46:00.000-05:002005-05-04T22:05:28.650-05:00Just got a call from a friend. We met over a year ago when we decided to host a visitor from Uganda. It appears he'll be back for another visit only this time we know who's coming. He sounded excited to come visit and we're looking forward to seeing him.<br /><br />This leads me to the word <em>motivation</em>. After hanging up the phone, my wife was heard to say that she now has to get some things done sooner than later. If you're like us, there's nothing like an unexpected event to motivate you to a deadline. We've already known there are some unfinished projects that we've been working on. What we didn't know was, how much faster they'd get done once we were promised a visit from a friend.<br /><br />What is it that changes our energy levels, our creativity, and our motivation? It's usually an unexpected experience. For example, coming across a horrible car accident can cause some people to leap into an unprecedented level of energy and quick thinking. The threat of your mother-in-law coming to visit can spur on some incredible creativity and motivation to get your act together and organize your house.<br /><br />How about the impetus for the motivation to change our attitude or get rid of a bad habit? What will it take for you to get started on something really important? The answer is this. Most people will not change an unwanted behavior or addiction until the pain to stay there is greater than the pain you will experience to force change. You often hear of a person experiencing a near death becoming much more relaxed about life once they recover. Their attitude about life has changed because a very painful experience gave them a new perspective.<br /><br />What kind of pain will it take for you to find the motivation to slow down, become more thoughtful, stop a bad habit, or overcome a destructive addiction? Maybe you could try beating a painful experience to the punch. I can speak from experience... "Start today and avoid greater pain."<div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-111526232860792801?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11218824.post-1115052800518571692005-05-02T11:18:00.000-05:002005-05-02T12:34:09.043-05:00I've spent a few moments over the last year contemplating what it means to be offended. It seems wherever I go, people are worried about offending someone.<br /><br />The other day I was sitting in a meeting with a client that manufactures and distributes jewelry. We were reviewing a few radio scripts I'd written for them. The client wanted to be certain we were communicating in such a manner that would not offend anyone. As a result, he summoned four other employees to the conference room, hoping to get a wider sampling of opinions.<br /><br />I read the scripts and we waited for their response. Of the three commercials, two passed with flying colors. The third was up for discussion. One of the young ladies in the room thought there was a possibility the ad could offend feminist. In light of the fact that the ad was about engagement rings, I gave one of my off-the-cuff spins on the feminist crowd.<br /><br />"I'm not worried about this ad offending the feminist. In my opinion, most of them aren't going to get married since they all seem to be against men. We would have to be under the assumption that a large percentage of feminist are pursuing relationships with the very species that gave them cause."<br /><br />There was an uncomfortable chuckle and then the room was silent with one nod of agreement. I'd made more than my point. I'd also given my opinion on "being offended." If I lived my life worried every minute about whether or not I was offending someone, I'd stay in bed all day.<br /><br />The fact of the matter is, "being offended" is simply your discovery that not all participants of the human race hold the exact same beliefs as you do. That's it! It's not an attack on you as an individual. It's simply discovering that other people have differing opinions about life and for everyone to assume that we must all bend to one train of thought is ludicrous.<br /><br />I'm always amazed that peace activists usually start a riot, environmentalists drive spikes into the very trees they want to save, and people demanding that I submit to their beliefs on the grounds that I shouldn't offend them obviously have no regard for what I believe.<br /><br />Hmmm! Here's what I think. The bottom line is, I need to grow up and accept the fact that I'm not the only person on a planet of 6 billion people. I need to share my toys, share responsibilities and share my beliefs without having to consider what's fair, what's popular, and what's offensive. I simply will let you say your piece and then you let me say mine. Then, let's move on.<br /><br />The next time you come to me with your "I was offended" hammer and try doinking me on the head with it so I'll submit to your beliefs, I won't be offended if you get angry with my new found ability to ignore you.<div class="blogger-post-footer">You're always welcome to leave a comment. Thank you.<img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11218824-111505280051857169?l=heyjl.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The "JL" Zonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14638265582462091959noreply@blogger.com0