What Barb Said...

Okay, so I'm watching one of my favorite shows last night..Becker. Here's a guy that reminds me of me. The premise of the show revolves around a doctor who is self absorbed. Hmmm...

I connect with Dr. Becker on every level. He has no time for tact. He enjoys being by himself yet wants company. He can't figure out why people don't "get him." He feels you should be able to speak your mind and move on without regard for feelings. He's just into the facts which is what you need to be a good doctor I suppose.

For a doctor, all of that works. For a man seeking to connect with a world of friends, children, a spouse or even strangers, there's something missing. Miss Barb keeps reminding me of me which is what I'm not missing. She'd like to see less of me when she's talking to me... if you know what I'm saying. My baby sister has a great little comeback that she uses to get a giggle out of someone. "Enough about me, now you talk about me." That cracks me up but only because I know exactly what she's saying.

Like Becker, I struggle with focusing on others and their feelings. I need to force myself to slow down and look people in the eyes. I have to make it a point to use my eyes, ears and empathy. It's not helpful to ignore the very thing that you crave and that is, others. However, that's my journey. ADHD hasn't helped either. It's one of the primary reasons I can't focus. In fact, people who suffer with ADD or ADHD find that the more effort they put into trying to focus, the more their prefrontal cortex shuts down. The PFC is where your complete library for focusing and organizing thoughts exists. Mine has too many library books that haven't been returned.

This last assignment from Miss Barb the Beloved Therapist... "JL, take time to listen to your wife. Get into her world. Let her tell you about her day without you trying to fix it." Apparently, according to Barb, I'm not God. This is very disappointing. I was almost sure I was.

Like a lot of us thick headed male types, focusing on the feelings of others can really be difficult. It's like the guy who told his wife after they got married... "I love you and if that changes I'll let you know." He never said it again.

Well, bottom line over the past few weeks, I've made a conscious effort to make eye contact, listen and be empathic with my precious bride of 25 years. It's actually more difficult than I realized but it's working. I'm shutting my mouth and volunteering zero information on how to fix her world. In fact, I'm realizing the world she really needs fixing has my name on the mail box. If she wants my input into fixing anything... it should be Me working on fixing ME.

Well, another $115/hr well spent with Miss Barb. Thanks Barb and I'll see you the first Tuesday of next month.

signed.... Mr. NutJob